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25 January 2015

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Melanie B

When reading over those questions it occurred to me that the things that were on the top of my list as I thought about marriage and whether a particular person would make a good husband, whether Dom would make a good husband, were not represented. Though they might come up in the process of answering some of the questions there, one could conceivably get through that questionnaire without touching on faith, God, beliefs about marriage, ideas about raising children, etc. All the things I wanted to know, the things I thought would most bear on whether we'd be good marriage partners, ostensibly have little to do with falling in love, at least as this particular experiment is constructed. And yet, having had some disastrous experiences in college, I was very much committed to guarding my heart until I was sure a potential romantic interest did see eye to eye on those important questions. So this exercise struck me first of all as imprudent. Because I think I could have very easily made myself feel quiet emotionally entangled with someone who was entirely unsuitable as a marriage partner.

But I like your idea too about the questions revealing incompatibility as well as compatibility.

And I do think a sort of questionnaire would be helpful in jump starting a friendship with other mothers. There's so little time and people are so guarded. It could take forever to get to the level of intimacy I can have by spending a few hours reading someone's blog. When I've met online acquaintances I've always felt a great anxiety at first about whether we'd really like each other in person but very quickly found that feeling replaced by a surprisingly deep sense of intimacy. And yet we almost always engage in very light getting to know you chitchat about the kinds of things that don't come up on blogs and yet you almost always know about your real-life acquaintances.

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I think I read something somewhere about this

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