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29 April 2017

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MrsDarwin

Love this! You've really captured the poem with a very distinctive style. The first stanza sets up the tone well. By going with free verse instead of rhyme, you've been able to translate the imagery very effectively.

I like your solve for the "Robinsonne".

bearing

I'm still thinking of different turns of phrase, but now I have been influenced by other translators.

I want her to turn on her booted heel and crush the tune, like a bug, on your lips.

bearing

I need to fix the tense. I also think I can give it a real meter, but probably not a rhyme scheme.

Melanie B

Oh what fun.

Almost I want to try my own hand at translation, though now I've seen too many versions. And I'm not in a very poetic mood right now. Too busy with essays and art.

I'd have adored this poem so much when I was seventeen.

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