bearing blog

Brief request.

Frequent commenter Jamie of Light and Momentary is begging your prayers:  here, here, and here.

My husband has three sisters. The middle sister ... and her husband agreed to be our children's guardians in the event of disaster.... Now they have one little girl who will be 2 in July and another who turned 1 earlier this month.

Her husband was just diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. It's stage IV...

She is asking for prayers:

• first, for miraculous healing; 
• second, for strength (both physical and emotional); 
• third, for a peaceful transition as they ease their younger daughter out of their bed and into a crib.

 ...Initially they told him he might have a year, but it is looking more like a matter of days until the end. 

The third intention, in its everyday disguise, almost undid me.  Please offer what you can.

I am hiding in my room to write this post.

Man, do I hate the first couple of days back at school after a long break.

Yesterday we had our "reading day" to wean them off the steady diet of video games and TV they enjoyed during our extended stay at the g-parents'. No screen time except for the hour after lunch (the usual amount), but they could play or read or go outside -- whatever -- while I got my schoolroom back together and figured out what I needed to do next. That went fine.

Today I sat across the table from my 6- and 9-year-olds and watched -- exhorted -- declaimed -- pulled my hair out as each of them took TWO HOURS to do a math lesson that should have been about half an houris (20 minutes, tops, for the 6-yo). My 9-yo has just started a new 4th-grade book that eases into things, and the first section of his lesson was simply to write out eleven different numbers, some given in digits to be spelled out in words, some spelled out to be written in digits. He was given a chart with all the necessary words spelled out, and a list of the hyphenation rules to refer to.

Readers, this is not a child with a learning disability. Readers, it took me more than an hour to exhort him to finish this lesson-part, occasionally having to run after him and bring him back to his desk ("Oh, yeah! I have to do my math!"), and he STILL miscopied "ninty" for "ninety" AND left out all the hyphens.

And let's not talk about the 6-yo. Things weren't so different for her.

You know, I am never tempted to send the children to school. Really, I am not. For one thing, I have never done it, so I have no memories of a golden age when I got several hours of quiet time every day, or a chance to work for wages at a job among grownups. For another thing, I am perfectly aware that problems I can see happening before my own eyes might well slip under the radar of an instructor, however gifted, in a classroom of twenty-five children. For a third thing, I am quite intellectually convinced of the adequacy of homeschooling and of the reasons it is the best choice for our family.

But I am tempted to raid the pile of Christmas chocolates at tea-snack time and then hide upstairs under the guise of taking a loooooooong shower. Also to spend the day shrieking things like, "Do you KNOW how RIDICULOUS this is? Do you know you could have been done with this NINETY MINUTES AGO? What is going on? No, it isn't because you are bad at math, it is because you are CHOOSING not to SIT in your chair and DO it!"

Something about there being two children instead of one who are both pulling the same thing, right in front of me, is crazy-making. I can only "make" one of them work at a time. When I turn to one, the other twirls her chair, sneaks jawbreakers out of her desk and wanders off to look for scissors to open them with; when I notice she is gone and go after her, the first one starts drawing ninjas in the corner of his paper.

I hope this is a passing phase related to the "first week back" phenomenon. Because while I am not exactly tempted to quit, I am sorely tempted to cast about wildly for something, anything, that will "work," whether that is concomitant with my long-term goals and values or not.

Or just to give up and start drawing ninjas myself. Pass the chocolate.

Some closure in Indianapolis.

Because I have an unhealthy interest in the investigations that follow upon things that blow up, I have been following the story from Indianapolis about the house that exploded -- in an extraordinarily, unusually powerful natural gas explosion -- on November 10. (It's been on Twitter under the hashtag #indyboom since thirty seconds after the explosion, later supplemented by the somewhat less gauche #indyexplosion after it became clear that people had likely died.)

Arson and murder charges were filed a couple of days ago against the homeowner, her live-in boyfriend, and the boyfriend's brother, who apparently blew up the house in order to split the insurance money.

This lengthy article from the Indianapolis Star details what has to be one of the most boneheaded criminal scheme (in the sense of the criminals' almost guaranteeing that they'd be caught) ever. It would be laughable, if it weren't for the fact that two neighbors lost their lives, other neighbors were injured, 31 houses were destroyed or condemned, and about 60 more houses were damaged.

The piece seems to be a pretty good example of in-depth reporting, assuming that the facts as reported are accurate. I hope the affected families will feel one step closer to justice by Christmastime. Spare the young daughter of the homeowner a thought or prayer if you can; she will have a tough Christmas.

Entertaining Wikipedia article (unless you're afraid to fly).

Often, when our family takes a road trip, I bring along something to read aloud to Mark -- usually a nonfiction book. I like books that spur conversation between us, particularly pop-science books that we can argue about and analyze. This is fun even when the book is really bad. On the way down from Minneapolis to Ohio last week, we read The Psychopath Test, which turned out to be perfect road-trip reading -- entertaining, not entirely convincing (meaning that we had a chance to argue about it) and also, in general, food for thought.

I didn't have a book for the way back up, so I made do by following trails of links in Wikipedia to articles about things we didn't know. We started from an article about the Mars robot that landed earlier, and from there to previous Mars lander missions, including the one that famously failed because somebody forgot to convert newtons to pounds-force -- a mistake roundly mocked by everyone EXCEPT former engineering students because deep down, we all know THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I. If my life had been only a little bit different, I too might have broken NASA.

Anyway, from there we went to a list of disasters caused by metrication errors, and that led us to what must be (since I love engineering failure stories) the most entertaining Wikipedia article I have ever read in my life: the story of the "Gimli Glider."

It is only entertaining if you know how the story ends, so let me give you the spoiler first. EVERYBODY SURVIVED, NO MAJOR INJURIES. There you go. Now the teaser: this is the story of an airliner that ran out of gas at 41,000 feet because Canadians had just started converting to the metric system. Now you can read and enjoy.

I read this aloud to Mark, and we agreed that it could never have been made into a true-life disaster movie because no one would believe the chain of events. The aircraft was nearly uncontrollable -- but by a remarkable coincidence, the captain was an experienced glider pilot. The first officer proposed landing at the nearest runway, which happened to be at a nearby closed air force base -- which he knew well because he had once served there as a Canadian air force pilot. But he didn't know that the air force base had been converted to a race track complex. Or that there was a race going on (think NASCAR, but Canadian) and the runway area was full of cars and campers. Also that there were cars racing on the runway.

Anyway, if you thought the "Sully in the river" story was gripping, I think you should try this one.

"My Life as a Prison Wife."

Fascinating.  Inspiring.  Perspective-producing.  This short guest piece by Nicki Stapleton on the "Dear Wendy" advice column is worth a read.

We got married on April 4th and just over a month later, on May 13th, my husband was arrested for armed robbery of two pharmacies. He didn’t take any money — just pills (and he didn’t actually have a weapon). I knew that he had a prescription drug problem but had been clean for over three years (he got clean about six months before we started dating) and I thought he was still clean. I was livid that he broke the law. I was livid that he didn’t come to me for help, but he said he was worried I would leave him because three things I don’t tolerate are abuse, cheating, and drugs.

I was a criminal justice professional (I lost my job because of my husband’s arrest and conviction) and have a Master’s degree in criminal behavior. In four years of working with offenders, I have seen relationships survive prison but I have seen many more fall apart. If I had known that he was going to be arrested a month after our wedding (or at any point), I wouldn’t have married him. I love him, but love isn’t always enough. Less than nine months after he was arrested, and eleven months after we were married, my husband was sentenced to prison….

The main question I get all of the time is “How do you remain faithful?” I used to take offense to this question, but I realize people are just curious. The answer is simple for me: I meant my vows. 

Read the whole thing.

An interesting clarification about her job loss from the comments:  

I worked in a halfway house for sex offenders and had worked there for over 4 years. After he was convicted, I filed a fraternization exemption request (one of our policies was no one was allowed to be in a relationship with/live with/be involved with anyone who was under the supervision of the Department of Corrections) and they basically told me that they refuse to make any exception to the rule and told me either I had to not live with or speak to my husband or I had to leave. Thankfully I was already working elsewhere full time and was only working there on weekends.

The rest of the comments are worth reading too.  I wish her and her husband well.

The cost of shouting.

You know, I had a sort of "McQueary moment" a few years ago, when I was driving.  I witnessed what I assume was an episode of extremely dangerous domestic violence.  

I, instinctively, yelled out the window of my car.  

If I had been thinking instead of reacting instinctively, if I had intellectually known or even reasonably predicted what was going to happen next, maybe I wouldn't have gotten involved.  The immediate aftermath was to put myself and my three children (and an unknown number of nearby pedestrians) in serious danger.  Thankfully -- briefly.

 I told the story in a blog post later that day.  I can remember my fingers shaking as I typed.  I can remember peeping out the window for a few weeks afterward, senselessly afraid that somehow the danger would follow me home.

I can imagine the scenario, post-shout unfolding in a few different ways, none of which was "safe" for me or for my kids.

But I keep thinking now about the instinct to yell.  It was immediate and involved no thought.  I saw violence -- someone endangering someone else.   

I shouted.  

I had my own young children with me.  I had reason to have physical fear for all our own safety.

And I still shouted.

"F*ck cancer. Seriously."

Powerful comic at xkcd today.

Occasionally Randall produces novel, visually interesting, crisply communicative graphical displays of information in the webcomic medium.  Today's was sobering.

 

Internet safety lesson.

So, you'll recall that I have been teaching history and Latin to two families besides my own, right?  

I wrapped up my three-year American history program (more on that again later) with a few weeks' study of mass communication in the twentieth century, and finished that off with a discussion of social media and email.  

Why did I put this in the context of history class?  Well, for starters, for our family anyway, the timing is just about right.  My ten-year-old is ready to have his own email address and to be a little bit freer to use and find things on the Web -- and you know, before you send them out in the world you have to have "the talk," right?

It's also something that is very different for these young people than it was for us.  I didn't have to rely very much on books here, because Hannah and I could be the primary sources.  We sat down and told them what it was like to read and contribute to Usenet groups, or to look for information using Gopher, or how hard it was to filter out the irrelevant junk before Google revolutionized the search engine.  

Anyway, I ran the "Internet safety" lesson as a sort of discussion group.  I thought I'd provide the outline here.

+ + +

Part I:  The part that fits neatly into an American History context

A.  Definition of social media:  "Places" on the internet where people can virtually meet and communicate with each other.

B.   How do people communicate using social media?  

     1) By sending files to each other 

            --files can be messages (long or short), documents, photographs, audio files, video files

      2) Or by storing such files where they can be accessed by others

      3)  Or by playing games with each other which they access through various websites

      4)  Or by real-time chat or videoconference

 

C.  Imagine a metaphor of a big room with lots of bulletin boards where messages may be left behind for all to see.  I used this to emphasize the lack of real privacy.

D.   Discussion question:  How does the advent of easy, cheap social media change American culture?

     (Looking for concepts like:  people can make friends they've never met in person; people can form associations based on common interest regardless of geographical location; more international interaction; people may be more connected to "strangers" than to their own families; changes family culture; people can get addicted to being on line; business models change; people expect to connect to the internet everywhere so free time changes; advertisers have new ways to reach people; it's much easier to find information; etc.)

Extension:   Watch the 90-minute PBS documentary Frontline: Digital Nation (available streaming through Netflix or here for free).

+ + +

Part II.  New risks to be aware of because of social media.

Kinds of risks, ranked from the most dangerous to the most benign (in my opinion).

1)  The risk of being physically harmed  in "real life."  Someone who wants to harm you for fun -- an online predator -- might try to use the computer to find kids like you, to trick you into telling him where you can be found, or to trick you into meeting him in person.

Discussion questions: 

• What kind of information can be used to find out that you are a young boy or a young lady -- the sort of person the predator wants to harm?
• What kind of information can be used to find out where you are and when your parents won't be supervising you?
• What kind of lies could a predator tell to trick a young person into revealing where she could be found?
• What are some danger signs of online predators?

 

(2) Harming you non-physically via computer communication.  Another kind of online predator might try to harm you, for fun, even without actually meeting you in person. A person can do this by sending you harmful messages or videos, or just putting it where you'll see it.  

• What kind of messages, pictures, or videos can harm you if you read, see, possess, or watch them?  
  •  lies; 
  • cruel speech about yourself or others; 
  • obscene material; 
  • material that encourages you to do things that are wrong or illegal; 
  • material that is illegal to possess, like sexually explicit pictures of minors; 
  • frightening or disturbing material

• What are ways that you can avoid receiving harmful files?
• What can you do if you realize that a message, chat, picture, or video is dangerous?

 

(2a) Some things may be harmful to you even though the person who made them available did not intend to hurt anyone.  What kinds of things are these?  (material that's meant for adults but not appropriate for children; incorrect facts)

 

(3)  Stealing your identity or your parents' identity. If a thief can successfully pretend to be me, she could gain access to a lot of my stuff.  What kinds of things could such a person gain access to?

• money in my bank account
• charge things to my credit card
• use my membership to get into organizations I belong to

Could such a person also break the law and get me in trouble for it? (yes)

Could they borrow money and then I would have to pay it back? (yes)

Could they send nasty messages that look like they came from me and then I might get in trouble or lose my reputation? (yes)

Discuss:  What kind of information can be used to steal your identity or your parents' identity?

 

(4)  Spreading things that you wanted to keep secret or private.  Suppose you had a secret that you wanted to share with one close friend and nobody else.  You told the secret to your friend and made her swear that she would never tell anyone.  But suppose that this friend wasn't as trustworthy as you thought she was.  She told your secret to one other person.  And then that friend told another person.  And before you know it, everyone you know knows your secret.  How would you feel?  Could some secrets even put you or your family in danger?

There is nothing new about this.  Secrets have gotten out for as long as people have been keeping secrets from each other.  But secrets that are passed around by computer can be a problem  in a new and particularly dangerous way.  Do you know why? 

• you might accidentally reveal the secret to many people instead of one; 
• they can be passed very fast to many people at once all over the world; 
• exact copies can be made of them, even if the "secret" is a photograph or a video; 
• they can be altered to make them look or sound even more embarrassing or incriminating than they really are; 
• copies may be stored on other people's computers for a very long time and so the secret may come out when you least expect it

Discussion question:  How can you protect yourself against online spreading of secrets or secret pictures or secret videos?  

• don't send secrets by email or in any other electronic form; 
• tell secrets only in person; 
• assume that any message you send over the internet can be read by anyone

(5)  Harming your computer.    Computer viruses can infect your computer.   Any file that you download from the internet may contain a virus or a piece of malware.  How can you protect your parents' computer against unwanted programs?   

(6) Selling you stuff you don't want.  There are many advertisements on websites.  You need to be cautious about the things that advertisements on the internet say, just as you need to be cautious about claims made on TV.   Some of it is there to trick you into spending your money.

(7) Gathering information about you so they can figure out what stuff to try to sell you.  You know that when you type words and numbers into a form on a website, or when you send an email, some information leaves your computer and goes out into the world where someone can get it.  On many websites, information can be gathered just from a mouse-click. Some companies gather information about what you like to read or look at, and they use this information to send you advertisements that they think you will respond to.  

 

General Discussion and Assessment: 

What risks are there in each of these places?  What precautions should you take?

• Chat room
• Online gaming
• Social media like Facebook where you reveal information to a group of people you select
• Social media like Twitter where your information is revealed to anyone who wants to see it
• Photo sharing site like Flickr 
• Browsing for interesting videos on YouTube
• Searching for information for a school report
• Shopping at a large secure online store, like Amazon.com
• Online auctions, like eBay
• Buying items from a local bulletin board, like Craigslist
• Email messages 
• Writing a blog
• Online discussion groups for fans of a TV show

Justice for Henry.

Katie Allison Granju is finally going public.  Last year her teenage son Henry was severely and permanently disabled from complications after an assault and a drug overdose.  He later died from his injuries.  Katie has maintained that, contrary to Tennessee law, the local authorities have refused to thoroughly investigate her son's death as a homicide, and believes that because he suffered from drug addiction, the authorities simply did not care about pursuing the people whose criminal actions or inactions may have helped kill him.

Katie has been writing about her grief and at the same time, carefully, about her interactions with the investigation.  She has not shared details until now.

Here is an excerpt from her introductory post:

Over the coming week, I will for the first time be sharing here on my blog every single specific detail of what happened to my teenage son, as well as all the information regarding how authorities have handled the case thus far.

I have waited nine long months for Knox County [TN] authorities to do the right thing. Polite, well-behaved southerner that I am, I have continued to err on the side of discretion and silence over all these months, in hopes that by being “good,” things would be made right. But I am no longer willing to do that.

My son did not die of an “accidental” overdose, and the investigation into his death has been inept and callous. The people who killed Henry are still free, and unless they are arrested and prosecuted, I have no doubt that someone else’s child will die.

Here is the latest update, "Justice for Henry, Part 6" which contains links to the previous five installments.  You may judge for yourself, but I find her descriptions of the official communications from the prosecutors breathtakingly appalling.  

There's a lot of perspectives from which we can be outraged about Henry Granju's case.  I hesitate to write anything political about it, because what it has to mean above all is a terrible grief, for one real family of real people who are really hurting. 

So the only observation I wish to make is that it looks to me like a terrible reversal of what ought to be.   People suffering from drug addiction and trying to escape it are dismissed as useless trash, their deaths shrugged off as being only what they deserved.  Violent assailants who beat a young man up until he bleeds from the ears are ignored. 

Meanwhile, the public servants whose job it is to prosecute criminals -- dangerous ones in particular -- sneer at grieving parents in their official correspondence.  I don't think it's too much to ask government workers to pretend in their official capacity as if they have a shred of respect for the members of the public they ostensibly serve.

UPDATE:  the latest post is now "Part 8."  Please read.  I am beginning to understand why Katie has so urgently insisted that she believes other young people will be harmed if the local authorities don't investigate.

Shahbaz Bhatti, RIP.

The only Catholic member of the Pakistani Cabinet was assassinated today, probably because he supported freedom of speech in the face of those who wanted the death penalty for blasphemers.  The Taliban has claimed responsibility.