Yesterday I wrote that the Church hasn't (to my knowledge) issued a universal teaching on the morality of women's staying home with their kids. I gave one reason why I think that's so; today I'll write another.
No, the answer to who will care for the children? appears to have been left up to us --- to the family. In part this is, I believe, because of the high esteem the Church holds for the family. It is not that the question of who will care for the children may be made lightly, that one answer is as good as another. It is certainly a moral question. But it is a highly individualized question. The "right" answer depends heavily on circumstance. And no one knows a household's circumstance more intimately than the family who lives there.
This isn't relativism. The moral principles involved do not vary from household to household. But the balance of tensions between them can vary, and so the application can, too. In her wisdom the Church has not dictated the application of the principles (to my knowledge), so that the individual family, the domestic Church, can weigh them and decide. The Church has not set a strict duty on us; but she has not limited that duty either. Some Catholics probably wish there was a clear teaching. It would certainly make the decision easier.
There's an analogy here to another area: family size and spacing of children. The Church tells us in Humanae Vitae that natural family planning may be used if there are "well-grounded" or "serious" reasons, including reasons that "aris[e] from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances." But the Church has never specified exactly what kinds of reasons are "well-grounded" and "serious."
This confuses some Catholics who sincerely wish to follow Church teaching. I moderate an NFP e-mail list; every so often we get a question from someone who wants us to please tell him or her what is an acceptable reason to space children. We don't have health insurance right now or my youngest is only three months old and my periods have already returned or I just feel like I really need a break or We just got married and we aren't adjusted to living together yet or I'm taking antidepressants or....
What they are looking for is a "yes" or a "no" --- any answer will do, it seems, as long as it's clear. And that's exactly the kind of answer the Church doesn't give. She cautions us that our reasons must be good, implying that some reasons are not. She arms the family with calls to borth "prudence" and "generosity." And then she allows the family to work out what that means in their own circumstance.
I think the question of who will care for the children? is that kind of question. It has great moral weight, and yet the individual family has the responsibility of weighing it in a correct understanding of their circumstance, according to a well-formed conscience, and in harmony with Christian principles.
More in a subsequent post about those principles.
UPDATE: Here's Part 3.
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