It is hard to figure out what God wants from us mothers, these days, when it comes to career choices.
I know from experience that there is a great temptation to say, "He wouldn't have given me this interest if he didn't want to call me to this career path," or "He wouldn't have given me the opportunity to have such a great education if he didn't want me to use it." It is a compelling argument, or at least it seems to be. And there is certainly some truth, because surely God sometimes calls us with an inspiration, a fascination. Surely God sometimes knocks with an unbelievable opportunity.
But everything, for a Christian, has to be laid at the foot of the Cross. Here is the life I thought I was going to have. Take it, Lord, and give me the life You want me to have.
We don't know, until we lay it at His feet, what He wants us to do with that interest. Make money? Maybe. Or maybe it is meant for us to be a pleasing avocation to distract our minds from what will be our daily work.
Maybe the expertise we have gained through our education will drive a brilliant career. Or maybe it will enable us to serve others instead. Maybe it will lie dormant for many years, to flower later in an unexpected way.
We don't know, until we lay it at his feet.
I am afraid that a lot of us, especially women, who choose to lay down the life we planned, will pick up a life that is very different. I certainly have. Trained as an academic engineer, I am instead a homeschooling homemaker. I have no idea whether my doctorate will ever gather anything but dust. I don't know if it was a mistake to finish it instead of dropping out and devoting myself sooner to caring for my kids, who were both born when I was in school. Occasionally I lie awake at night and feel just a little touch of misery at my vanished credentials.
But I do have a certain peace about where I am now. I know that I am giving more of myself to my vocation this way than I would be if I worked. And --- let's be frank --- what did I like most about my life as a student? Eating lunch in restaurants, doing work in coffee shops, being around other people, concentrating hard on something. I can still do all those things, maybe not as much as I once did, but often enough to feel refreshed. (Oh, and the other people I'm around these days? I enjoy their company, which I chose for myself, a lot more than the company of most folks I worked with. Nothing wrong with them as people, of course, but... now I'm among friends.)
For me, this choice was a no-brainer, as soon as I had the courage to face turning it over to Christ. Oh, it was so hard, but from this side looking back, it seems as if it were easy.
Let's make a deal, Gentle Reader. You try to imagine yourself turning your life over as if it were easy, and I'll try to remember how hard it was before it was done.
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