Yesterday I went to Northgate Mall here in southern Ohio to hit some of the pre-Thanksgiving sales and replace some outgrown outshrunk pieces of clothing.
Tired and in a hurry on my way out, I hoped to grab a sparkly top that could be paired with black pants for possible posh holiday party attendance (hey, you never know). Found a red sparkly sleeveless turtleneck in Dillard's, a department store, and rushed with my bags into the nearest fitting room. I tried on the top, it fit, I was just about to run back out and pay for it when I noticed hanging on the rack of clothes that had been left inside the fitting room a sleek, buttery, chocolate-brown leather coat.
I am not much of a fashion plate, but one item that I am forever noticing on other women and forever coveting, and always thinking that now isn't the time to buy such a thing, is the sleek zip-up leather coat. I haven't bought one because I have been holding out for the right time to pay money for a really nice one. This one was everything I ever wanted. It was long, cut with a little swing to it, and the collar was perfectly minimalist, and the zipper was perfectly sleek and flat. I checked the tag -- size was right -- I took it off the hanger and put it on. I didn't want to even peek at the price tag yet.
Ooh. This was the coat I had been looking for my whole life. Maybe now is the time to buy such a thing, I said to myself. It fits me. It would sure motivate me not to gain the weight back. I bet I look fantastic in it. Let's see...
I opened the louvered door and walked out into the main fitting room to stand in front of the triple mirror. Wow. Wow. I was still admiring myself and trying to get up the nerve to look at the price tag when a saleslady walked in and asked pleasantly, "Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I don't know," I said, "got three or four hundred dollars I can borrow?" She laughed and said she might have three or four dollars. I sighed and took the coat off. "Gosh, I love this coat," I said, "I don't even know how much it is." I started looking for the price tag, thinking to myself: will I buy this if it's not TOO expensive? Not on the collar... not on the left cuff...
Suddenly the saleslady gasped and put her hand to her mouth. And she turned and called: "Doris! Is this your coat?"
I looked up and there was Doris, an older lady wearing an employee nametag, barreling toward me with a look of indignation on her face. She snatched the coat and marched off.
"Where did you get that coat?" demanded the first saleslady, pointing. "Did you get it from that room back there?"
"Uh, well, yeah, I was just trying on this sweater and --"
"That's not a fitting room!" she snapped. "That's where we keep our coats and things!"
I looked around me. I was, unmistakably, in a fitting room. The sign over the door said "FITTING ROOMS." "But it is a fitting room!" I said.
"No it's not! It doesn't even look like a fitting room! There are CLOTHES in it!" she said.
"There are clothes in ALL the fitting rooms!" I pointed out. "Oh, and by the way," I added, holding out the sparkly sweater, "could you please ring this up for me?"
I went back to retrieve my bags and inspected the fitting room again. OK, now that I wasn't in such a hurry, I saw that there was an extra rack in the fitting room, and that some of the coats and scarves hung up on it had little paper handwritten tags looped around the hangers: "Janice," "Susan." And, of course, that the items didn't have department store tags or security ink bombs.
I returned to the counter. The saleslady (not Doris -- she was nowhere to be seen) had calmed down and was apologetic. "The store doesn't give us anyplace to put our things," she explained. "We don't have a locker room or even a closet. We have to put them somewhere, so we put them there."
"Don't you think it might be a good idea to hang a sign on the door?" I suggested.
"Well now, that would be a good idea. I think I'll go and do that right now. Sign here," she pointed and handed my bag with my new sweater across the counter. "And have a nice day."
"You too." I paused. "Tell Doris she has really good taste."
"She certainly does," said the saleslady. "That lady has so many clothes! And she's SO TINY. She can wear anything. Well! Have a lovely holiday."
Yes, yes I will.
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