More about delayed gratification.

In comments to the post about delayed gratification, Christy P writes something worth highlighting.

I think you got it there - you redefined your goals, and therefore success, into ones that were quantifiable and achievable not just on a daily basis but multiple times each day. Rather than focusing on a primary goal that seems so far away "Lose 40 pounds", you kept that as not just a secondary but even a tertiary or quaternary goal. The primaries were "Eat an appropriate amount at this opportunity", "Exercise today", "Let myself feel hungry for two hours from 10AM to noon". Each time you achieved one of these goals, it made you into an achiever, and if you didn't at one meal, then you weren't a complete failure, because you had a string of successes in your back pocket. It is really like the idea of intentional living. Making choices with thought behind them instead of reflexive action.

We talk about small goals in other parts of life, but I think the concept gets neglected with good eating and physical activity. Those lifestyle choices are seen as such an all or nothing prospect that people lose perspective.

I hadn't really thought about it, but she's right -- if anything, we undermine short-term health goals.  You're supposed to exercise so many minutes PER WEEK, for example.  Doesn't that make it sound like a long-term commitment?  Oh, and by the way, you should get checked by your doctor before starting!  God forbid you should decide to take a walk around the block TODAY! 

But another question -- how can a person create that motivation within herself, the motivation to seek the behavior change for its own sake and not just for the long term results?  I didn't really realize what I was doing at the time.

There is some precedent for this in mainstream weight loss advice. Haven't you seen recommendations to get exercise for its own sake?  To find a physical activity that you enjoy, whatever it is, and then get out and do it regularly?  What you don't see is a recommendation to learn to prefer eating less.  It's generally assumed that eating less always feels yucky and is only chosen in order to lose weight.  (You do see a recommendation to develop a taste for healthy food instead of unhealthy food, but that's a little different.)

I don't really know how I started to desire to eat less.  I do know some of the mental images I cultivate to maintain that desire. 

---I think about the evenings, Mark out of town, when I would order pizza for myself and the kids, and eat an entire medium pizza by myself while surfing the web. (plus a 20-ounce Coke and a big salad) This image horrifies me now, even though once upon a time I used to sort of look forward to it.   

---I think about my lapses in and out of bulimia in my younger days.  That's pretty disgusting. 

---And -- I'm not really sure if doing this is good for my attitude towards my fellow human being, but I'll throw it out there anyway -- I go to restaurants with buffets or salad bars, I sit near the buffet, and I watch people and their plates.  I find a fat person and I look at his plate and see what he eats.  I wish I could tell you that often the fat person I see has filled her plate with fresh greens and a reasonable portion of healthful entrees.  Haven't ever seen it in months of peoplewatching.  I watch them and they pile the plates high and go back for seconds, thirds, fourths, then desserts.  I watch the fat people eat and eat and eat -- I watch them get breadstick appetizers before their pizzas, and dessert pizzas after their pizzas -- I watch them supersize their fries and I say to myself:  "Self:  That was you, and that could be you again if you don't watch it."

I had to be grossed out by the behavior, not just by the results of the behavior. 

Is it possible to MAKE yourself change that attitude?  Is it possible to MAKE yourself be motivated by the short-term reality instead of the long-term dream?  If so, how do you make yourself feel that way?  I don't know because I've never tried to do it on purpose, I've only discovered it by accident.

Comments

[Christy P]

I like to look in people's carts in the check out line.

Especially at Costco.

Rather than feeling holier than thou for my basket of cheese, olives, bread, and cereal, I try to think about it as a causal mechanism. If one fills one's cart at Costco with chips, soda, and various types of heavily processed and packaged foodlike substances than one will look like the person pushing that sort of cart.

[Christy P]

Oh yeah, that minutes per week of physical activity thing -- remember a week can start anytime you want. I think that people get hung up on "oh no it's Friday and I haven't done anything this week and then it is almost a new week so why start now because I won't get that 90 minutes I'm supposed to get"

Instead recall that time is relative (lunchtime doubly so) and say "OK, my week starts today! Let's accumulate those minutes of physical activity, starting now."

Full disclosure: Living with a toddler myself, do I get as much activity as I would like? No, but I try not to let the lack of other activity be my excuse not to get going when the opportunity does arise.

[Margaret in Minnesota]

Erin, I hope that my saying this doesn't embarrass you, but I just love you for your candor! (I look into other people's grocery carts, too. Hasn't stopped me from buying chips, alas.)

If I haven't commented as much on your weight loss series as I should, it is because I am struggling SO much with my eating choices right now. It is one thing to KNOW what one should be doing and eating; it is another, more shameful thing to acknowledge that you are too weak to do it.

And in answer to your post below--how do you respond to people who ask you "how you did it?!!"--I would submit that MOST people don't want to know about all the hard work and effort involved. We want a fast and easy solution because darn it, we're Americans! To those people, I would say, "I ate less and exercised more."

No, I wouldn't say that. I'm far too verbose to say just that. But really, it's the truth and I think that you have to determine how much of an investment that person is willing to make in the conversation.

Because you DO look great. However, you did not just go into your closet one day and step into the new you.

[bearing]

Margaret: " I think that you have to determine how much of an investment that person is willing to make in the conversation."

This is exactly what Mark said to me -- that I should just come right out and ask, "What are you interested in knowing about it?" And listen to what they have to say, (novel, I know) and then respond.

The following sound bite occurs to me:

"You know how they say you're supposed to eat less and exercise more? I decided that I really wanted to eat less, and I really wanted to exercise more. And when I did that, it turned out that I lost weight."

[mrsdarwin]

Actually, I think "I broke the process down into manageable goals" is a nice, pithy response. Them as is interested will ask for clarification, and them as isn't will just say, "Isn't that nice?" and you're spared having to explain your system to someone just making chit-chat.

[Margaret in Minnesota]

Okay, dear font of wisdom, here's a question for you. What do you recommend for my pregnancy nausea cravings? I liked the "cheese cubes, almonds, & blueberries" suggestion you made over at my blog, but what else can I turn to when the only thing that sounds good (and stomach settling) is noshing mindlessly on Tostitos?

[bearing]

Switch to whole grain crackers to start? Triscuits are pretty good for a national brand. I personally swear by the whole grain varieties of Wasa brand crispbread type crackers. There are also Blue Diamond's Nut Thins.

But if you can give whole raw plain almonds a trial period, and try to acqauire a taste for theem, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Lots of women swear by them for settling the first-trimester tummy, and they are high in calcium. Maybe if you combine them with fruit you'll get the quick hit of sugar from the fruit (that's the high you're after when you hit the chips) plus the longer lasting slow burn from the almonds.

[bearing]

MrsDarwin, I think you're absolutely right -- what you said sets the right tone.

The truth is I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, of course, but I did break it down into manageable, short-term goals. Like, on the scale of *hours.* Occasionally minutes.