Hannah and I are slowly developing some new patterns to our days together. Here's how they are changing.
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Before: We each started with a list of what each of our own boys had to do for school, and we made them work until they were done.
After: We each bring a list of what we would like our boys to accomplish. We sit down together over coffee in the morning and we put the two lists together and try to figure out how best to mesh them so that our families are "working together" as much as we can. Can Ben quiz Oscar on his mental math? Can Oscar administer Ben's spelling test? Can Hannah present the same writing assignment to both Ben and Oscar? Can Erin run a Latin drill session for both boys together? What will each boy work on while he is waiting for the other? If some of our goals don't mesh well, or if a list seems too long, we just drop goals; they can be done some other day when we're not together.
Before: Each boy worked from his own assignment checklist.
After: We write one unified assignment checklist for "Ben And Oscar." For example, one item is often "Take turns giving each other spelling words from your lists. Each of you write a sentence for each missed word on his own list." Another might be "Look at pages xxx-xxx in the History Encyclopedia and take turns quizzing each other about the facts and pictures." A third might be "Ben does his handwriting sheet while Oscar practices his catechism memorization." (We're still figuring out how best to order things on the list.)
Before: We made the boys work until they were "done." If they dawdled, there was less time for play. Sometimes nobody, including us, got a break except for lunch.
After: We are sticking to four hours total of work. School is from about 10:30 to 12:30, we take an hour break for lunch and play, and then again from 1:30 to 3:30 when we have tea snack. (We haven't yet figured out what consequence to impose if the boys deliberately waste time and so don't get a reasonable amount of work done. Fortunately, they haven't tested us yet. My temporary measure on our side is to tell Oscar that what he doesn't get done, he must do on Saturday.)
Before: I read history to the big boys while Hannah tried to pay attention to all four other kids and also make dinner or do housework at the same time.
After: I start reading with a storybook for everyone around the table, and then I begin reading history. Hannah stays with us, fetching tea and icewater and light snacks, and listens in on the story, stopping to ask questions or discuss a point. The other children may stay and listen, or they may play quietly nearby, or they may play elsewhere.
Before: I gave Milo his reading lesson whenever I managed to scrape a few minutes together to sit down with him. Hannah gave Silas his lessons whenever she managed to find a spare moment.
After: One of us gives the two of them together their reading lessons -- they take turns, each boy reading a page from his own lesson (they're on different levels in the same curriculum.) And one of us gives the two of them together a math lesson: sometimes Silas listens in on Milo's lesson, and sometimes Milo listens in on Si's lesson; then they each do their own practice exercise (they use different curricula but are at approximately the same level.)
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There have been a few lovely surprises along the way. Hannah overheard the younger boys arguing about a plot point in the biography of Las Casas I've been reading to the third-graders; we hadn't thought they were even listening to it! And those same middle boys are clearly relishing their new identity as "study buddies."
Sometimes it's still pretty hard. Yesterday wasn't really a good day. We got started late, and everybody was really frazzled (it seemed that nobody had slept well the night before), and we just knew not a lot was going to happen. We made the list pretty short, and still not much got done. But we know we're working for the long term, and learning what works and what doesn't, and next year will be easier because we'll plan our whole curriculum around this new way. That keeps us going, even when the coffee pot runs out.
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