Have I mentioned that I still experience the compulsion to overeat, to eat unnecessarily, to eat the wrong stuff? No, not compulsion. "She was compelled to eat" --> "she ate." So, perhaps impulse is a better word, since I don't always respond by eating. I have the impulse to overeat. It's funny, the forms that it takes. It's winter, the heat is turned down, I shiver; suddenly, I'm certain that a big bowl of hot food of some kind will make me feel warm and comfortable. I've just finished lunch, and my mouth is uncomfortable, a little burned because I couldn't wait for my food to cool; I can't shake the idea that a piece of hard candy or chocolate, sucked slowly, will relieve the feeling. I should get up and do some housework, but I would really like to sit in front of the computer a few more minutes, reading some interesting article; if only I was engaged in eating something, I'd have the excuse I needed to remain at the desk. Yeah, it's every day, pretty much. How do I resist?
Truth is, often I don't. The Westinghouse-type rules on my weight chart tell me I don't have to diet at all -- I can, more or less, have what I want -- as long as my weight stays in the control bounds. Today my mouth played the I'm-burned-gimme-chocolate card, and I resisted for a little while, and then I thought -- screw it, I'm in maintenance mode, if I want a piece of chocolate I can have one. So I did. Several pieces, if you want to know the truth. I have a cold and am feeling a little sorry for myself.
But I'm aware that successful maintenance depends on my being able to resist that impulse some of the time, and giving in frequently doesn't strengthen my resolve. Also, I'm trying to cultivate the acceptance that one can indulge to an extent: sometimes I have to say, "You know, I already indulged in food I didn't need today. I better stop now, be thankful for what I've had, and wait till my next meal." I'd like to say that being thankful for what I have is enough. It's not, or maybe I don't really try very hard. More often, I bargain with myself, I distract myself, or I indulge in something different. Bargaining with myself usually takes the form of delaying the indulgence. Whatever the thing is I want, I promise myself I can have it, LATER. If I still want it. This is especially helpful at bedtime, when I start itching to join my husband and kids in the bedtime snack ritual. You really want cheese and crackers? They sound fantastic, exactly what you need right now? You can have cheese and crackers for breakfast, you know. Wait till then. I will often go to bed gritting my teeth, and lie there fantasizing about eating cheese and crackers until I fall asleep. I didn't say it was pretty. An important part of this tactic is following through. If I still want the cheese and crackers at 6:30 a.m., you bet I have them.
Distraction may be the healthiest way to deal with this sort of thing, and I probably should try it first most of the time. Get up, go do the laundry, find something to do to keep busy. It usually does work, at least for a little while.
As for indulging in something else: Usually, strong-flavored stuff. Cups of coffee. Cups of tea. Gum. Altoids. Other sensual pleasures: send the kids downstairs to watch a DVD while I take a really long, really hot, not at all environmentally responsible shower. This last one is almost magically effective, and I save it for times when I'm really desperate.
And then there's the old standby: Write a blog post about resisting temptation. It works pretty well, too.
Erin, I really need to read more of your posts on this topic!
BTY, I have passed along the "Marie Antoinette" blog award to you. See my last post for details!
Posted by: Tracy | 09 January 2009 at 10:19 PM