Obsessed with the numbers. (updated a bit)

I finally put my finger on something that's been going wrong with my maintenance lately.

When I was losing weight, I had developed this really fantastic long-term outlook.  I was not in a hurry to get to my goal weight.  I was trying to find the best way to live and to eat  for the rest of my life.  I did countless experiments, it seemed, testing behaviors one at a time and watching the numbers on the scale to see if the behavior was a successful one that promoted weight loss, or if it was not.  For a couple weeks I would try, for example, having a cup of coffee after dinner to signal that I was done.  Then I might try having a piece of dark chocolate.  Which worked better?  I felt that I had plenty of time -- my whole life -- to try these things out, to learn.  

Why was I able to take such a long-term approach?  Maybe because I never actually believed I would really reach goal.

Anyway, I realized just the other day that I have lost my long-term view.  I have been reacting to the numbers on the scale each morning:  panicked if more than 109.5, relieved if less than 108.0.  It's as if I feel I can't afford to take a long-term approach.  Something about trying to stay the same feels fundamentally different than trying to lose.    I can't wait six weeks to see if this small change makes a difference!  If I'm wrong, then... in six weeks I might gain six pounds!  

Deep breath.  

Now that I've realized what's going on, I can make a correction.  What I did that was fundamentally right, while I was losing weight, was to focus on behavior.  The algorithm is this:

• Plan my behavior.
• Stick to the plan. 
• See what the numbers on the scale tell me. 
• If the numbers do what I want, and I like the behavior, adopt the behavior permanently. 
• If the numbers do what I don't want, change the plan.  

The direction of change of the number on the scale was and is useful:  it tells me whether my actual behavior is "working," and that in turn tells me whether it's a good plan.  If I can't stick to the plan, that means it's not a good plan, because a good plan is a plan I can stick to.  

I need to get back to that.  Lately my behavior has been:

• Step on the scale.
• If weight < 109, don't worry too much about what I eat. 
• If weight > 109 for a few days in a row, eat sparingly until I get a reading below 108. 

  This is not very sustainable.  I feel like a toggle switch.   It's time for me to make a list of candidate behaviors for maintenance, and begin working through them methodically.  I know, I said I was going to do this at least twice before.  I really mean it this time.  I started the list in pencil yesterday, just off the top of my head in no particular order.  Here is what I wrote (note that many of the behaviors are mutually contradictory):

• 8-1/2" plate
• Measure servings of 1/2 cup grain, 1 cup soups and stews, 1 oz bread 
• No sweets 
• Two-thumb-sized portions of sweet pastries
• Only really good sweets that I really want
• Keep almonds in the car 
• One-egg breakfasts 
• Two-egg breakfasts 
• Tomato juice with breakfast 
• No-toast, no-fruit breakfasts 
• "Vegetables for two people, entree for half a person" restaurant strategy 
• Eat sitting down, slowly, without distraction 
• No bedtime snack 95% of the time 
• Only one plateful at meals (no seconds)  
• Wait 20 minutes before seconds 
• Start the coffee when we sit down to dinner
• No alcohol 
• Limit to one glass of alcohol 95% of the time 
• Eat only on schedule (snacks at 10:30 and at 3:30) 
• No tasting while cooking 
• No tasting while cleaning up 
• Make dinners that don't have any leftovers 
• No casseroles bigger than 9x9 -- freeze extra ingredients or make a second casserole and use later, freeze, or give it away
• Replace bread with Wasa crackers whenever feasible 
• Default snack of cut fruit, tiny cubes of cheese, and nuts
• Any snack, but never more than one ounce  
• Always eat with cutlery, even pizza, sandwiches, bananas, etc. 
• One-half to three-quarters of the plate is always vegetables

Added later: 

• Chew gum while cleaning up after meals to prevent mindless nibbling 
• Don't snack if not hungry, even if the time for snack has arrived
• Choose a quite-small snack (e.g. four almonds) if not hungry when snack time arrives
• Buffet strategy:  Half a plate of veg, and only one plateful total 
• Hardly ever drink fruit juice or soda
• Weigh every day and watch for long-term, not short-term, change
• Reflect daily on my motivations for maintaining my weight  
• Plan what I'm going to eat each day -- qualitative only
• Plan what I'm going to eat  each day -- quantitative
• Plan what I'm going to eat and restrict calorie counts 
• Measure added high-calorie condiments such as salad dressing, butter, jam 

There are two habits that helped me lose weight that I would like to kick, if I can do it without gaining weight.  One of them is to stop thinking, talking, and writing quite so much about the subject.  I am afraid I am becoming quite a bore (a better-looking one, but that can only last so long.)  The other is constant gum-chewing.  It's a habit I always deplored in other people (especially people sitting behind me in class!) and now what do you know, I have become one of them.

At least I didn't take up smoking.