Skin crawling.

Last night, every time Mary Jane nursed, I thought I would crawl out of my own skin -- it just set my teeth completely on edge and I had to clench my jaw to keep from screaming.   I have no idea what was different, if I was more sore than usual, or if she had a lazy latch, or if I was extra tired or what.  I just wanted to get away.  I really, really, really hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon.  We intend to night-wean sometime during the pregnancy, but I had imagined doing it in an emotionally neutral mindframe, not the kind where I hide under the blankets and weep I just can't take it anymore.

I have been glad each time that I was still nursing my toddler at the time the next baby was born, and that we took our time weaning afterwards, but that doesn't make it fun every single second.  

She's still asleep and I'm glad.  I'm going to make sure that before she wakes up, I'm completely dressed with a really supportive bra she can't break into, so that I can nurse her on my terms today.  I have always found in the past that re-asserting a little extra control over the nursing relationship helps keep the screaming willies at bay when they rear their ugly head.  Obviously this is only appropriate with an older toddler.  Not that it isn't always appropriate to listen to what your body is telling you.  It's just that there's a lot more leeway in the space you can give yourself when your child is older.  

Fortunately I almost never feel that I need more space when the baby is very young -- the baby needs to be with me, and I need to be with the baby, and I just don't ever perceive much of a conflict.  Maybe not everyone's so lucky that way; in any case I am thankful for it.  The crawling-out-of-my-skin sensation did creep up once when I had a young baby, and that was when I was tandem nursing Milo and Mary Jane when she was pretty young, less than 6 months old.  When that started happening I took it as a danger signal -- I am not supposed to have nursing revulsion towards a newborn -- and decided it was time to wean Milo.  That weaning went extremely well, all the horrible skin-crawling went away, and I'm still very confident it was exactly the right decision.  You might think this experience would make me more likely to wean my toddlers earlier, but actually the signal (the revulsion which I interpreted as the sign I should wean him) was so strong and so unmistakable that I really have high confidence that when it's time to wean somebody in the future, I'll know it.  So I don't feel conflicted about continuing to nurse the toddler, and to gain all the benefits that come from it, right up to the moment when I suddenly can't stand to do it anymore.  

So maybe the sudden onset of nighttime revulsion is the signal that it's an appropriate time to start changing the night-nursing routine -- again, not a total weaning, just at night.  I could certainly use the extra sleep right now.  We'll see if the sensation returns or if it was just a one-time thing.  Mark has a business trip coming up, and I'll really need his 24-hour support for such a push, so I'll want to put it off at least for a week or two if I can.

Comments

[Christy P.]

This is Really Common. We hear moms at the LLL extended meeting talk about it all the time. For some it seems to be a temporary horror-monal thing that they work through with new boundaries, and for others it begins the switch to active weaning. I think that there is a section in the _Adventures in Tandem Nursing_ book about it. Your library probably has it.

[MrsDarwin]

I get this same feeling -- the creepy, ready-to-throw-the-baby nursing revulsion -- at around 14-16 months, when my children get so active while they nurse that they want to stand and dance (literally). In each case we weaned with a minimum of fuss.

[entropy]

I get this feeling too. I think "nursing revulsion" is a perfect name for it, btw.

I described it to my sister-in-law by saying that I completely understood how a mama-cat could just get up and walk away while her babies are nursing. It's that feeling of, I'm done.

[Monica]

Oh, yes, oh, yes, I have HAD that feeling. Ugh. With my toddler during tandem nursing. So bizarre, isn't it? The other thing that triggers nursing revulsion for me is when the baby gets the "pinchy" thing. It's not the same feeling, but it's really awful. Two of my babies have done it: they use their newly-developed pincher grip to take tiny pieces of my skin and pinch and roll them. I'm actually dealing with this right now with my 9-month-old...I'm dealing better than I did with his sister 5 years ago, and my second daughter didn't do it, thank God!

But I definitely agree with the benefits of extended nursing AND the benefits of listening to one's body about when to cut back!

[bearing]

I should add that while I know mothers who were able to literally nurse two children at the same time -- the toddler on one breast and the newborn on the other -- I think I attempted it all of twice, both times when the toddler bonked his head while I was nursing the baby and came for milk. After about three seconds I swore I was never, ever, ever, ever going to do it again. It was like, INSTANTLY THE WORST NURSING REVULSION EVER.

Now look, I've probably jinxed myself into having twins.

[Monica]

This cracks me up...I was never able to do the tandem-at-the-same-time thing, either (and then decided I didn't actually want to), and each time I've been pregnant, I've been CONVINCED I was having twins...until the first ultrasound. No twins so far, although my oldest says she's going to pray that the next pregnancy is twins. "That way we wouldn't have to all share just ONE baby, Mom!"

I'll pray for you!

[Mary]

I know this is an old post, but I've been seriously MIA with blogging (and even e-mailing) since I had my second. I decided sleep and housework were more important to me this time around. But, I wanted to chime in to say that I had the feeling too after I got pregnant, fairly quickly too. It was usually in the evening and I think it was exacerbated by my nausea (that began at about 4 weeks LMP). That evening session was soon replaced by a bedtime snack, but it was another 3 months I think before we were mostly done. DD #1 loved her mommy drink first thing in the morning, and being well-rested in the morning, I was able to accomodate that wish fairly long.