"Only."

Alice Bradley of finslippy has a beautiful post about her one son Henry.

Of course I know, rationally, that only children can be happy and successful. I know that Henry's happy and well-adjusted and loved beyond measure. I do.

But it keeps coming up. They think I'm selfish, I think, when other parents ask me if Henry is an "only." Stingy. Not willing to spread myself just a little too thin. I want to give them my reasons. My very good, well-considered reasons. But I'm afraid they'd argue that those reasons aren't enough.

A lot of her commenters have written to say that they understand and completely get what she is saying.  I am not someone who can completely get it.  I will have four children soon.  I can't imagine having only one and deciding to stop trying for another child.  But then, I have never suffered a miscarriage, and even if I ever do (God forbid), I won't experience it the same way she and her family experienced theirs.  I don't want to pretend that I can imagine how she feels or what she and her husband went through.  It would not be fair or honest.

 I am grateful that she let us in and wrote the post.  

Comments

[Christine in TX]

I'm going to read her post. Just want to share that we had two miscarriages - one after each of two children and then a healthy baby recently - our third. Of all the "endings" - vaginal birth, c-section, and miscarriage - that I've had, the miscarriages have been far and away the hardest to recover from. I was not myself for more than six months. I understand that this is not how it is for everyone. Some miscarriages are not so painful for others. And I'm not saying I was more sad. In one of the pregnancies we were "surprised" (not paying close enough attention to signs of resumed fertility), and relieved not to have two children very closely spaced. Sorry it admit that truth of our feelings. It was still months of "pms-y" symtoms and depression after even that miscarriage. And it wasn't really sadness it was physically challenge.

I really appreciate that you linked to her post.I appreciate your blog very much.