Abundance.

Even after working hard for almost two years to overcome my toxic overeating habits, there are still a couple of things I find very difficult to deal with.  One of these is the abundance of choices I have.

It's not the fairly common problem of  "I can't throw food away, and so I eat it."   This isn't such a problem for me, though I understand it.  It is undeniable, after all, that to throw away perfectly edible food is wasteful, and maybe even offensive.  The error is in the assumption that it's somehow less wasted if it is eaten by someone who doesn't really want or need its food value.  It's wasted either way.  The way to avoid wasting food is not to buy, open, or prepare extra food in the first place.   The way to respond to food-that-will-go-to-waste is not to dump it surreptitiously into the nearest available esophagus, but to take notice of it, learn, and make less food next time.

I know this isn't my problem because I get this agitated feeling of needing to eat up what we have at the beginning of the week.  Not at the end of the week when the refrigerator has lots of odds and ends of leftovers that "need using up." No, at the beginning of the week, right after the grocery-store trip.  

When the crisper is full of fresh fruit and vegetables; when the pantry is stocked with crispy crackers and tasty tinned things; when we have fresh milk and eggs from the farm, maybe a couple of wedges of local cheese; when a new flavor of ice cream appears in the freezer at eye level; when there are tomatoes on the counter and bananas in the fruit bowl, and homemade sourdough and honey-oat bread in the bread box:  that is when my head spins and I want to taste everything all at once.

This morning, for instance -- we shopped yesterday -- I felt panicky about the strawberries.  Strawberries were on sale, and we haven't had them in many weeks, it seems.  Mark had bought just one box.  I just knew that if I didn't get some of those strawberries today, the children would eat them all up right away and I wouldn't get any of them at all.  But I didn't remember that until after my full breakfast of toast, fried egg, and tomato juice... and I didn't really need to eat the strawberries on top of that, just to make sure that the kids didn't eat MINE all up.   

(I managed, though, by making fruit-and-yogurt parfaits for the children's breakfast, using up MOST of the strawberries, and saving a bit back for my afternoon snack, already sliced, in the back of the fridge.  Still, it was touch-and-go there for a few minutes...)

When lunchtime rolls around I'm often paralyzed by choices.  Should I have a green salad or steamed greens?  Should I have homemade bread (it won't stay fresh forever, you know) or crispy, satisfying Swedish crackerbread?  And what to put on it -- Mediterranean-style sardines, or a BLT, or cheese melted in the toaster oven?  Should I have the local raw-milk Monterey Jack that's been piling up in the fridge since the kids decided they didn't like it anymore, or should I eat that wedge of aged Gouda Mark bought me as a special present?  Should I finish my meal with a tiny bowl of premium strawberry ice cream, or one of these ice-cold clementines, or maybe a piece of dark chocolate?  

No, wait, if I was actually paralyzed by choices, I wouldn't have a problem.  What I am is overwhelmed by choices -- and I want some of everything.  I need to eat the strawberries before the children get them, I need to eat the Gouda before mold grows on it, I need to eat up the Monterey Jack before next week's dairy delivery arrives and brings me more, I need to eat the tomato before it goes all yucky, I need to eat the sardines because Omega-3 fatty acids are good for me, I need to eat the homemade bread before it dries out, I need to eat the crackers because they are lower-calorie than the bread, I need to eat the ice cream because, uh, do I need to have a reason to eat the ice cream?

But I don't have too much trouble at dinner.  I plan dinners, prit-near compulsively.  If the week's menu plan says spinach-ricotta pie, marinara sauce, carrot salad, well, that's what we're having.  No problem.

Lesson possibly learned:  Plan breakfast and lunch too.  Ya think?

Another problem.  When I'm tired I have a lot of trouble resisting all those choices, and the new baby has deprived me of much sleep recently.  Two nights in a row of bad sleep left me wanting -- and eating -- handfuls of chocolate chips, and wedge after wedge of the Irish soda bread my nine-year-old made for his science project -- all white flour too.   Slathered in butter.  I'm not sure whether I was trying to give myself enough energy to get through the day, or wallowing in resentment; it seems that the reasons change with every handful I stuff in my mouth, whatever I am most tempted to soothe myself with in the moment.

Lesson possibly learned:  try to get enough sleep, and keep an extra pot's worth of coffee ready to go in the pot.  Even if it's half-caff or decaf, the placebo effect (plus the something-in-my-hands-to-sip) might help keep me from self-medicating with sugar and refined flour.

I'm actually doing pretty well by the numbers -- five more pounds to BMI-normal -- but I'm trying to clean up my act as my first goal.  I'm still only partway there.

Comments

[bearing]

And don't get me started on the abundance of recipes I haven't tried yet in the abundance of cookbooks on my kitchen shelf. Or on the entire internet.

[Cathie B]

This goes along with what I was saying...indulgence. Ugh. Here's what has helped my (underscore MY) lunch issues. I bought single portioned dried bean soup mixes. I have a bag of frozen veggies or a large salad with it. Unless we are having company, that is my lunch. It has been hard having Kevin home because he would rather not have whatever the kids are, so I feel the need to make him something different.

I have taken this route and stuck with it to avoid the abundance issue. It has worked. It's just like you said...planning.

[Rebekka]

I have this too. I am not so interested in leftovers (and right now our menu calendar is more a record of what has happened than a prediction of the future), so I've started figuring out that if we don't eat the leftovers within a day or two I need to pop it in the freezer (we make lots of casserole/stew type things).

We don't shop once a week, so I don't have the everything-at-once problem that you do, but I've had a little luck with reminding myself that this is not the last piece of cake/candy/chocolate/plum/cheese/etc I will ever see. (Especially at work, where patients are always giving us cake or candy when they get discharged, holy cow.)

[bibliotecaria]

As I read through your dilemma, you noted the very thought I had in mind -- planning. But related to that is another idea. You know how you felt overwhelmed with all the mess the other day, then you wrote it all down and figured out a solution. If there comes a day when you haven't planned, maybe you could do something similar with that meal: write out a list of all the possibilities that helps you to see them clearly, then you can prioritize what you actually want. It's how I handle things when the to-do list is overwhelming me.

[Alicia]

I COMPLETELY identify with this. I try to make a mental note of what will spoil first and go by the list to avoid the decision on my own. . .sometimes it works.

[Jamie]

Have you thought about seeing what happens to the baby's sleep schedule if you forgo caffeine? I ask because it has a crazy half-life in a newborn's system, upwards of 90 hours. I've had a couple of children who were very sensitive to it, and their midnight wide-awake times were almost 100% tied to my caffeine consumption.

[Kate]

Echoing Jamie, none of my seven kids have been night owls (the didn't sleep throught the night either, but they'd nurse and go right back to sleep in bed with me) and this might be because I don't drink coffee. How about giving some of the homepathic remedy Calms Forte or Coffea Cruda (I think that's how it's spelled) to your baby?

[Tabitha]

Erin, How much weight did you gain in this pregnancy in comparison to your other 3? Did starting at a lower weight and working out throughout the pregnancy make a difference, or was your overall weight gain about the same? I'm just curious as I am pregnant with #7 and intend to work out this whole pregnancy, Lord willing.
I'm so impressed you're almost back into normal BMI already!

[bearing]

I'm working from memory here, but I think I got up into the 180's in all of my previous three pregnancies, which would mean gaining 30ish pounds twice and 50ish lbs once. I gained 45 lbs with this pregnancy, going from 108 to 153.

It doesn't seem that the exercise changed how much I gained much.

TBH, I don't think exercise does much to help people lose weight or keep from gaining it, because it stimulates appetite.

But I do think it helped me feel a lot better through the whole pregnancy, and it definitely has been wonderful to feel my body rebound as I recover after childbirth, in a meaningful and noticeable way.

[bearing]

I'm trying no-caffeine-after-4-pm right now. I'm not ready for a harsher remedy yet -- it's still early and I haven't hit a wall yet. As long as I get a good night's sleep, or a hefty nap, every third or fourth day, I can keep going. And maybe he'll straighten out in time.

[Kate]

Regarding the pregnancy weight gain, I think it really depends on the person. Exercise is the only thing that helps me lose weight (I have a very slooooow metabolism). My pregnancies wherein I exercised regularly were the ones that I gained the least weight, felt the best, had the best births and recovered the quickest. Take it from me as a getting-close-to-menopause-mama, you really start to feel the difference as you get older and exercise can make a big difference.