I have followed through a bit. I thought I'd write about how it was going.
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SETUP PHASE 1 Begin by setting out on "St. Francis's Three-Step Program" to rid yourself of mortal sin and of any attachment to it. (1) Read Part 1, Chapter 8 and then pray the "novena" formed by the ten meditations in Chapters 9--18 of Part 1. (2) Prepare for confession with these readings: Part 1, Chapter 19; Part 2, Chapter 19; Part 1, Chapters 20 and 21. Make a good confession, preferably a general one, preferably general, accusing yourself directly, simply, and specifically as described in Part 1, Chapter 19 and Part 2, Chapter 19. (3) While still in the confessional: Let a solemn resolution as described in Part 1, Chapter 20 be part of your Act of Contrition.
I did this, except I didn't really make a general confession (just hopped in the line before Mass on Sunday, and did the best I could in a reasonable amount of time given the long line behind me).
I don't make novenas very often, or perhaps I should say I don't finish them very often. I must have been more motivated than usual. At any rate, I knew that one of the upcoming steps in my plan would be committing to a form of morning prayer, so I decided to pray each of the novena prayers first thing in the morning.
An aside. "First thing in the morning--" That's pretty ambiguous, isn't it? "First thing in the morning" might mean before even sitting up in bed. Or it might be "right after I get my coffee" or "as soon as I get to work." Hm. Well, in this case, it meant "after I put on my glasses and get the book open, but before I get up to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth."
It probably helped that Mark was out of town for a lot of this time. Solitude helps me pray. Getting married and thereby sharply decreasing my solitude was good for me in a lot of ways, but there's no doubt that one reason I pray less than I did 12 years ago is that I'm alone less. (St. Francis had some specific things to say about "interior solitude," which I hope I can use.)
Anyway, the novena wasn't accompanied by any fanfares, or even a tingling feeling by which I might know that it was working, but I did finish it, and I did go to confession last Sunday at the end of it.
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Then I woke up on Monday and started fresh on my first two desires.
FIRST DESIRE Learn to pass from prayer to my duties "with such gentleness and tranquillity that the soul is not disturbed." Resolution 1: I will meditate on St. Francis's Part 2, Chapter 10, "Morning Prayer," and use its counsel to compose a brief morning prayer which I will write down and keep at my bedside. Resolution 2: I will try to pray the Morning Prayer daily and I will endeavor, with God's help, to pass from the morning prayer to my duties "with gentleness and tranquillity." If I forget to pray it first thing in the morning, I will do it as soon as I remember, and again will endeavor to return to my duties "with gentleness and tranquillity."
So far so good. I wrote down a morning prayer on a sheet of steno paper. At the bottom I added a paragraph copied from St. Francis about keeping silent as long as possible after finishing, "so as not to spill the balm of prayer." I left the sheet of paper on my bedside shelf. I have been praying it before even standing up out of bed, which works pretty well because my daughter and baby sometimes wake up when I get out of bed, but generally stay asleep as long as I am still there.
This works much better than my previous attempts to get up, brew coffee, and settle down with a cup of coffee and a breviary. So far I have been able to maintain tranquillity at least until the children wake up.
Now, on to the second:
SECOND DESIRE Refuse to multitask, but rather, "Accept all the duties that come my way peacefully, taking them in order, one by one." Resolution 1: I will look people (especially children) in the eye when speaking to them or when being spoken to; give them my whole attention, not just what's left over from my work.
This is still shockingly difficult, but I am working on it. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I remember and still don't do it, answering my kids without looking away from the computer. I am trying to follow through, though: when I "catch" myself talking without looking at the children, I am forcing myself to put down my work completely and go engage with them.
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I'm going to keep working on these through this week before picking up St. Francis again. The next part of the book is about dealing with temptation, and maybe it will give me a chance to troubleshoot.
Good reminder about how solitude helps you pray. I've been really struggling more than usual this week to make time for prayer. Aha! My mom is visiting. Much less solitude. I feel a bit better having diagnosed one cause of the problem.
Posted by: MelanieB | 13 August 2010 at 05:02 PM