Wanted: Honesty.

At Whatever, science fiction author John Scalzi has some good things to say about finding the time to write.  

As I read it, I thought that it really applies to anything people say they "want" to do.

So: Do you want to write or don’t you? If your answer is “yes, but,” then here’s a small editing tip: what you’re doing is using six letters and two words to say “no.” And that’s fine. Just don’t kid yourself as to what “yes, but” means.

If your answer is “yes,” then the question is simply when and how you find the time to do it. If you spend your free time after work watching TV, turn off the TV and write. If you prefer to spend time with your family when you get home, write a bit after the kids are in bed and before you turn in yourself. If your work makes you too tired to think straight when you get home, wake up early and write a little in the morning before you head off. If you can’t do that (I’m not a morning person myself) then you have your weekend — weekends being what I used when I wrote Agent to the Stars.

And if you can’t manage that, then what you’re saying is that you were lying when you said your answer is “yes.” Because if you really wanted to write, you would find a way to make the time, and you would find a way to actually write. Cory Doctorow says that no matter what, he tries for 250 words a day (that’s a third of what I’ve written in this entry to this point), and if you write just 250 words a day — the equivalent to a single, double-spaced page of text — then in a year you have 90,000 words. That’s the length of a novel. Off of 250 words a day. Which you could do. On the goddamned bus. If you really wanted.

This is why at this point in time I have really very little patience for people who say they want to write but then come up with all sorts of excuses as to why they don’t have the time. 

I particularly liked the line:  "If your answer is “yes, but,” then here’s a small editing tip: what you’re doing is using six letters and two words to say “no.”"  Rings true, no?

I hear it about homeschooling from time to time.  I occasionally hear "I would like to homeschool, but there's no way I could do it, I don't have the patience, etc."  This is a good example, because believe me, every one of those obstacles has been overcome by many, many people who really wanted to homeschool their kids.  Or, lacking a desire, who really believed it was what they ought to do.  There is nothing wrong with not wanting to homeschool your kids, by the way.  And it's not what everyone ought to do.   But again, honesty about it.

And I hear it about regular exercise -- much more commonly than about homeschooling.  "I want to exercise, but I don't have the time."  Same thing.  Whatever your obstacles, whatever your set of obstacles, other people have had them, and some of those people -- the ones who really wanted to -- have gotten through and over and around them.  

The doing is the measure of the wanting.  "Doing" might involve planning and preparing, but it implies action of some kind.  Without action, so-called wanting is only vapor and wind.  Not wanting at all.

Which makes me think that a good resolution to make might be to stop saying "I really want to do X" when the evidence demonstrates that I don't.  And that means facing up to some truths about who I am, because don't we all measure ourselves in part by what we imagine ourselves doing, rather than by what we really do?  And couldn't that truth set us free?

Like this:  

• I don't want to read stories to my children every day. 
• I don't want to go to Mass except on Sundays.  
• I don't want to turn off the computer every night as soon as my husband gets home.
• I don't want to take public transit instead of my car.
• I don't want to grow kitchen herbs in containers.
• I don't want to stop feeding the kids convenient and cheap packaged cookies for tea snacks.

What don't you really want to do?

Comments

[RecollectedStephanie]

Brilliant!!! Thanks for this.

[jenny]

I don't want to dust my house more often.

I don't want to shop locally when ordering online is so much cheaper.

I don't want to stop going out to eat even though it would be more frugal.

I don't want to do additional abs-only exercises when I get home from running. I love running.

Is it a good sign or a bad sign that I'm having trouble thinking these things up?

[Barbara C.]

I don't think that I really agree with the first part.

While it's true that if there are things we REALLY want to do, we will find away. But there are also things that I would sorta like to do but other things or the needs of others take priority. And then there are things that I really want to do that are not completely in my hands (I have to make decisions with that guy I'm married to and there is only so much money).

There are times when I have to choose between eating a snack, taking a shower, or taking a nap and as much as I really WANT to do all three I only have time to do one.

Now there are some things I have just had to honestly accept about myself:

I don't want to do crafts or science experiments with my kids.

[Sara]

Ha! So true! I have always said that in the back of my mind when I hear people say "I'd love to homeschool, but....." We make time/effort ALL THE TIME for the things we really want to do or think we should. I just tell them they're not being called or they would figure out how to make it work.

Now, what Don't I want to do? Get off the computer and drive my son to school...

[Delores]

I thought of the verse: you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Granted, not the greatest of applicable verses, yet... if we know the truth about ourselves, then we are free from self deception. And as you state in your final paragraph, that is freeing. It is hard to be honest with myself. Though I guess there are some obvious ones: I don't want to clean the toilet. I don't want to clean any part of the bathroom. I don't want to head up our faith formation at church. Yet I do those things. So does that mean I really do want to do them? I don't know. I think I will have to think some more about this great post.

[bearing]

Barbara, I guess you are right; there are some things we're truly not permitted to do. But I suppose you could turn them around and think, "Well, I want to meet my kids' needs more than I want to do XYZ..."

Delores, that is an interesting way of turning it around... if we do things, is that evidence that we in fact want to do them? I think the answer is yes -- the things that we keep doing must be serving us in some way. The bathroom cleaning is obvious (hey, clean toilets are nice to have) but sometimes it's worth it to take the time to figure out. Why do I keep losing my keys? Do I WANT to lose my keys? Not really, but maybe I want to save the few steps it will take to walk back to the entryway and put them on the hook (and I'm fooling myself by pretending that it won't result in losing my keys.) So if that's what I want, can I fix the problem by putting up hooks in other rooms, thus increasing the number of places I may hang them and yet reducing the number of places I have to look for keys? You see?

Some of it comes down to this way people often speak of themselves as having two selves -- "part of me wants to do x and part of me doesn't."

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And, I've usually seen Hanukkah cards that are more "fussy", perhaps elegant. I wondered if I could do a clean and graphic card. I was really happy with how it turned out. I used a computer font, a Quickutz die and some gems. That's it.