Someday they'll all be big.

Darwin points out something that I really need to keep in mind more often:

....one thing we are typically not very good at is imagining the future as much other than a straight line extrapolation from the present. 

This seems particularly important as regards family. Right now my ideas of what it means to be a parent are fully formed around what it means to be a parent of kids ranging from 8 through newborn....

I tend to think of parenting in terms of having young children around the house, but looked at from the perspective of our entire marriage we will spend more time with adult children than with young children.

And boy, when people think of "a family with five kids" or "seven kids" or whatever, aren't they imagining the house full of little ones?   But they DO get big, and eventually they are adults.  Don't we have a different visceral reaction to the family at that point?  Imagine a party of seven adults at a restaurant, maybe celebrating a special birthday or anniversary -- Mom and Dad and the five grown kids.  Do people look at the parents and ask, "Are they all yours?"  And if they do, can it be with anything other than admiration?  Is it only the little ones that people recoil from?

And what about the experience of coming from a larger family?  I don't know, I only have one brother and one half-brother, so I can hardly even imagine it.  It seems like it would be better to have lots of adult siblings than to have only one or two.  It seems like you'd have a better chance of being close to a sibling if there were more of them.  At first glance, some situations might be more difficult with multiple grown siblings (important family decisions could be trickier) but with some foresight maybe those could be headed off.  It seems to me that with more people to share the responsibilities of family, the hard parts of growing older could be easier on everyone, and that the fun parts (holiday gatherings and such) could be even more fun.  You'd have to do some things differently, of course...

Do people who come from big families look at their siblings and wish there were fewer of them?  I wouldn't think so.

Comments

[entropy]

I've noticed that same phenomenon of admiration of large families with grown children but almost disgust at large families with littles.

[bearing]

Maybe it really is about hatred of children.

[mandamum]

I'm the oldest of 8, and while the youngest is still in high school, we're mostly grown. Last thanksgiving was my first thanksgiving home since I left for college, and I brought my dh and 3 kids. And everyone else was there too-- including my little brother's fiancee (now wife). We were 15 around this very joyful, boistrous table (my mom said she finally had to use her last leaf) and it was SOO GOOD to be there. Then we kids played Apples to Apples and laughed and laughed.... I also have memories here in my new house of a group of siblings standing around the kitchen late at night after a bit of a drive to come visit, talking and talking--catching up and telling funny stories. I don't know about how important family decisions may go, as we're not that far yet. But I am grateful for having grown up with so many small siblings, and now for having them around as adults. When parents put the work in to raise kids they want to be around-- then it's fun to gather together again.

[Kate]

Having a lot of siblings is fantastic. (I'm 5th of 7). I get on well with all of my siblings, pretty much, so even though I don't live near them I talk to them on the phone pretty frequently. I call different sibs for different things - knowledge from one, advice from another, sympathy from another, easy chatter from another...each relationship is unique and they are all valuable.

Some of my favorite memories are from holidays when we still all lived close enough to get home for every thanksgiving or new years. There's something easy and freeing about being with so many people who know where you're coming from.

As a kid, there were plenty of times when I would gladly have wished one sib or another had never been born. But as an adult, I appreciate what a gift my parents gave us in each other.

[lydia]

I love being from a large family. (8th of 10). I have 7 children of my own. My oldest is about to turn 18, the years past by so quickly. You are right about the comments. When they were little people were always asking me if they were all mine. My favorite, you must have your hands full. Yes, full of joy. Now, that they range from age 6-17, when we go out together people praise me for having such a beautiful family.
LS

[Kate]

When I read "Darwin" I thought of THE Darwin. As I was reading the quote, I kept thinking, "Parenting? This doesn't sound like anything from "Origin of Species." Then it dawned on me (I'm a bit slow on Saturdays)..oh, it's the bloggy Darwins.

[bearing]

Kate, LOL. No, just A Darwin, they come in two-packs.

[Tania @ Larger Family Life]

We have nine children from 17 years down to 5 weeks and who knows whether we'll be blessed with more. I'm so looking forward to seeing how our family grows over our lifetime with many grandchildren and great grandchildren.