Impressions.

Betty Beguiles is blogging about the idea that dressing reasonably well is "a contributing factor to a happy marriage."  She will be posting more about it in upcoming days, she says.  The comments are worth reading:

"As I have gained esteem for myself, I have begun putting more care into how I dress and style myself. As I have put more care into my appearance, I gain more confidence and esteem in myself. Both are necessary."

"*sigh* As I sit here in a paint spattered T-shirt and athletic shorts, I secretly bemoan the warmer weather that is riding in on a tide of tornados. Because.... I love my yoga pants. Again, I say *sigh*. "

" I firmly believe putting forth a little effort can bear much fruit. It shows my husband that I still care about looking lovely for him a decade into our marriage, it's a nice witness to a culture that often devalues SAHMs, it shows my children that I value my vocation and it energizes me. "

"I do try very hard to not look like a complete slob. Not that my husband would love me less; but a skirt does make a difference in my mood. Last week I was behind on laundry and all my skirts were dirty so I was stuck with yoga pants. I felt scuzzy."

"I love how you said looking put together can show that your role as a stay home mom has value (although you said it more eloquently). That really resonates with me....sure, it can contribue to a happier marriage. It is a snowball affect - you take a little extra time for yourself, put on a little makeup or an outfit that makes you feel good. So you do feel good. It shows. Your husband comes home to a woman who looks just a little nicer, a little happier, a little more content with herself - because she feels a little better. He'll notice and whether he says anything or not, he'll appreciate it. ...I will confess to being a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. But I'm working on taking my casual/comfortable style to a little more stylish/comfortable :)."

I think this is an interesting train of thought, although I am not really sure to what extent I agree with it.  On the one hand, I definitely try to avoid the "sloppy mommy look."  On the other hand, whereas some of her commenters refer derisively to going out in yoga pants, I am actually pretty happy and pleased to walk out the door wearing my running clothes.  Readers of this blog will know that I consider it a sort of badge of honor that I (a) own running clothes and (b) actually use them for running.  If I am headed out the door with my yet-to-be-washed hair stuffed into a bandanna and my running clothes on, you can bet that "go to gym" is on my to-do list.  

And then of course, there is the statement -- which I pretty much agree with -- that women (when they pay attention to what they wear) don't typically dress to send signals to men, even their husbands; they dress to send signals to other women.   

But I didn't want to wax at length about these theories without some data from the male sex, so I popped up to the bedroom where Mark was idly (I hope) reading a book about ice climbing, and asked, "Do you think that a wife's dressing well is a contributing factor to a happy marriage?  I mean, does it matter to you if I dress nicely?"

He thought about it for a while and then said:  "When we go out, I like it if you put on clothes that project a false impression that we have our shit together."

There you go.  I definitely married the right person.

Comments

[Betty Beguiles]

That's hilarious! :)

[Amy F]

There's a huge difference between your wearing running clothes to the Y and someone wearing yoga pants everywhere -- you have reason to be proud of wearing them!

I only wear yoga pants as pajamas, but tend towards jeans and a t-shirt, particuarly during the 9 months of not-summer. I've worn mostly skirts instead of shorts for the past couple summers but have a hard time convincing myself to wear skirts when it's cold. I'd like to move towards wearing some vintage-type dresses, but I need nursing-friendly clothes for the time-being.

I love your husband's response!

[Rebekka]

Your husband is awesome!

[MrsDarwin]

I think it's demonstrably true that well-fitting jeans look better than a frumpy skirt. The issue, to me, is not what you wear out (within the bounds of reason and decency) but does it fit well and look good on you?

How 'bout: I wore a skirt the other day because everything else was dirty, and all day I was prickled by the background irritation that I didn't have the right shoes to wear with it. And that my legs were pasty white. A skirt isn't a panacea for fashion woes.

[Betty Beguiles]

I totally agree, Mrs. Darwin. I hope I didn't give the impression that this is going to be some sort of anti-pants series. Neither I, nor the book, have anything against pants. I rather like them, actually. ;)

[Jeanne G.]

I love your husband's comment. I can't get mine to say anything. Except when I was going to throw away a certain skimpy because it was uncomfortable. Then he looked like he could cry and asked me to keep it, since I wouldn't have to wear it long anyway.

[Barbara C.]

My husband cares more about my appearance than I do. But I really don't dress any different for everyday than I did when we met. But my ever-changing body through four pregnancies and a lack of time and money leaves me looking more frumpy in clothing that doesn't fit right.

For the first time in probably two years, I got to go out for a whole day by myself that didn't involve running family errands the whole time. I picked up three new shirts and denim capris. My husband was impressed that I picked clothes that actually flattered me. I explained that it is possible when I actually have time to try things on instead of just grabbing things in passing and hoping they fit right.

[jen ambrose]

LOVE THIS!