Accepting the facts and deciding to act on them.

In the last post, I replaced the vague question of "should I accept myself as I am?" with a process of discernment of a decision to change.  

It occurred to me that these decisions have long-, medium-, and short-term manifestations, so I thought I'd work through an example.  Perhaps this will become a series.

Here's what I came up with in that post:

1.  Understand and believe the relevant facts.

2.  From those facts, judge whether a change offers benefits.

3.  If a change offers benefits,  judge from the facts whether they are possible to attain.

4.  If there are benefits that are possible to attain, determine from the facts how they could be attained. 

5.  Decide whether you want to expend the effort to attain them.

  

LONG-TERM LEVEL

Understand and believe the facts:  "I wear such-and-such a dress size, or I went to the doctor and he told me I risk diabetes if I stay at my current weight."

Judge if a change is desirable:  "Yes, I want to have a smaller dress size, or avoid developing diabetes."

Judge if a change is possible:  "Yes, it must be possible because other people have permanently dropped a dress size or lost weight or changed their risk of developing diabetes.  Many of them have done it by eating less or otherwise changing their diets.  I don't yet have evidence that this approach would not work if I made a similar change in my behavior.  So it's possible that if I permanently changed my behavior, I'd permanently drop a dress size or avoid diabetes."

Judge how such a change is possible:  "Well, I could sit down and figure out what behaviors I could change most easily.  Then I could develop some strategies to remind me of my motivation.  That would take some planning time.  I'd have to practice the new behaviors.  That means learning to do something that's hard, over and over again.  I'd also have to learn how to deal with negative comments from people who notice the changes I'm making.  And I'll have to be ready to respond to setbacks by making useful adjustments instead of just giving up."

Decide:  "Do I want to do this?"

 

MEDIUM-TERM LEVEL

Understand and believe the facts: "I figured out that I habitually take second and third helpings at meals.  I don't actually know whether I could be satisfied with only one helping."

Judge if a change is desirable:  "Yes, I don't want to be ignorant about whether I can be satisfied with only one helping.  If I knew the answer to that question, I'd know whether sticking to one helping would be an easy way for me to permanently change my habits in the direction I want to go."

Judge if a change is possible:  "Yes, I could find out the answer by trying out the behavior of stopping after one plateful, and then seeing if I feel satisfied after the food has been put away."

Judge how such a change is possible:  "I'd have to resist eating second helpings after I finished my plate, and then I'd have to pay attention to how I feel for a while after the meal, and maybe write down my observations.  I'll need several strategies to resist the temptation to take seconds -- I could try eating slowly so that I don't finish my plate until it's nearly time to clear the dishes, or I could have a stick of gum ready to pop into my mouth as soon as I finish, or I could have a cup of coffee after dinner, or I could get up and leave the table as soon as my plate is empty.   I'd have to eat this way at several meals -- say, five or six dinners -- before I could really come to a conclusion. "

Decide:  "Do I want to do this?"

   SHORT-TERM LEVEL

Understand and believe the facts: "I told myself I wanted to know whether I'd be satisfied with one helping.  Now I've finished my helping and I want to eat more food.  I won't know whether one helping satisfies me unless I can get to the end of the meal to find out how I feel after only having had one helping.  But I want to eat more food and it sucks."

Judge if a change is desirable:  "Yes, I don't want to sit here any more looking at the food and wanting it and knowing I could have it if I chose."

Judge if a change is possible:  "Yes, I don't have to sit here any longer looking at the food.  I could eat it.  Or I could escape this situation.  Or I could change the situation somehow so I wouldn't want the food anymore."

Judge how such a change is possible:  "I could get up from the table and walk away. "

Decide:  Do you want to do it?

 

See how small the changes can be?  Even the long-term example needn't be "do I want to lose fifty pounds" or "do I want to drop six dress sizes," but can be a much tinier goal: "do I want to lose some weight" or "do I want a smaller dress size."   It's long-term because the intent is for it to be long-lasting, not because it'll take a long time to achieve.  The medium-term example needn't be "do I want to eat fewer helpings at dinner," but "do I want to find out whether I would be satisfied with fewer helpings at dinner?"  The short-term example is the most immediate:  shall I resist this helping? 

+ + +

I made up those examples.  Tune in next time for a real-life, real-time example from my own frustrations with maintaining my current weight loss...

Comments

[LeeAnn Balbirona]

"Accepting the facts and deciding to act on them."

This is very similar to Fr. Paone's definition of Humility given in "My Daily Bread" devotional. Interesting.

[bearing]

Oh, what does it say?

[LeeAnn Balbirona]

The Virtue of Humility

Christ: My child, humility is a much misunderstood virtue. Many people think it is an unreasoning sense of inferiority, or a lack of self-appreciation. It is an honest facing of facts, admitting them, and acting according to them. The humble man lives free of all pretense and self-decption. This honesty with facts helps him to think clearly and act fairly in his daily life. ...
Think: There is so much pretense in human society, so much "putting on," so much posing . We like to appear better than we are, but we do not always work hard enough to become better. If I were honest, I would admit my many faults and my few virtues....

There's more, but I think this re-emphasizes the spiritual aspect of weight loss/maintenance as a battle against gluttony. It's not just a physical thing but a spiritual struggle as well. And the first step in breaking free from sin is probably always humility, acknowledging that we can't do it on our own power, that we've been deceiving ourselves or letting ourselves be deceived.

[bearing]

Wow, you're right, that *is* really close!

It's not just wanting to appear better than we are, too. Sometimes we want to appear worse than we are -- at least to ourselves -- so that we can write off ourselves as hopeless or beyond help. It absolves us from the work of trying to change and from the effort of sustaining hope.

I know I've encountered it before, the point that "humility" = "accuracy," but it's good to be reminded of it. "Humility" is such a loaded word. Accuracy is something we should all be able to get behind. And when you recast humility as accuracy, it is pretty obvious that humility isn't just virtuous, it's also *useful.*

[LeeAnn Balbirona]

Re: wanting to appear worse than we are...that would be akin to the "sin against the Holy Spirit" aka the unforgiveable sin, no? When you believe your sins are too great to be forgiven, you can't receive forgiveness. Humility required all around.

Yes, humility is not just this milquetoast birds singing rosy cheeked St. Francis thing, but a real practical useful virtue that leads to concrete steps that change us. :)