Another look at St. Benedict's Rule in the family.

Are you, like me, one of the women who read Holly Pierlot's A Mother's Rule of Life, got all excited, ran with it for a while, went completely overboard, and never opened the book again?

(Bonus points if you still have a multicolored schedule spreadsheet stashed somewhere in a daily planner, one from two or three kids ago.)

(Extra bonus points if you have an old excited blog post about how it was going to change your life).

(Extra-extra bonus points if moldering in a cupboard somewhere -- that is, if organizational supplies can molder --are materials produced by the organization that I think of as the MOTH People.)

I don't want to dis Holly Pierlot too much.  There really are some good things in that book.  It's more that tendency in me to jump on the latest schedule-tweaking idea that comes along.  Nothing wrong with trying out new things, but after mothering for almost eleven years and homeschooling up to sixth grade I am starting to come to terms with the, shall we say, fluid nature of time-block expectations in this particular vocation.  Changing systems will not do away with this fundamental truth.

Anyway, a nice antidote to being a card-carrying member of Mother's Rule of Life Quitters Anonymous is this new little booklet by Fr. Dwight Longenecker, hosted at the Knights of Columbus national website:  Saint Benedict for Busy Parents.  (pdf file) It's about 25 pages long and is well worth a download-and-read. 

Where Pierlot drew inspiration from St. Benedict's Rule to create a well-prioritized schedule for herself and for her family, a sort of copycat version of the bells that mark the hours in monastic life, Fr. Longenecker encourages us to be centered not on the bells but on the principles of Benedictine spirituality.  Those principles are embodied in what Fr. Longenecker calls the "two holy trinities:" 

• The Benedictine monastic vows: 
  • obedience
  •  stability
  • conversion of life

 

• The daily pursuits of individuals living in a Benedictine community:
  • prayer
  • work
  • study

 

(Note that popular culture generally associates monastic vows or even, confusing it further, priest's vows, as being "poverty, chastity, and obedience."  That's the Franciscans, not the Benedictines; although it turns out that Benedictines are supposed to embrace chastity just like any Christian, and own nothing or very little as a consequence of obedience to their Rule, Benedictines do not vow poverty and chastity).

Fr. Longenecker considers each of these six principles and, without going out of his way to show us exactly how to apply them to the vocation of family life, explains their purpose, and tries to show where joy can be found in them.

On obedience:

We must remember...that Benedict portrays the Abbot... as a virtuous, wise and patient man, who never demands anything of his sons that is not for their best. He understands the weaknesses of human nature, and while he expects obedience, he never demands anything harsh or burdensome. In addition to this, he always wants the monks to engage with their obedience in the deepest, most curious and adventuresome way. The command of the abbot (and therefore the commands of parents) should be there to help the monk (and the child) to be intrigued by their spiritual path, and to obey with a sense of adventure and discovery rather than with blind and dull obedience alone.

On stability:

A famous writer on the Benedictine way has summed up the vow of stability. He says: “God is not elsewhere.” In literal terms the vow of stability means the monk makes a vow to remain part of one particular religious community for life. By taking a vow of stability, the monk is deciding that the path to heaven will begin exactly where he is and nowhere else. His love of neighbor must become incarnate in charity toward the members of the community, rather than allowed to become a vague benevolence toward no one in particular.

On work:

Work helps to incarnate the spiritual realities of the praying monk. When he works in the kitchen or in the fields; when he teaches in school or works in a hospital; when he works in a factory or shop, the monk applies the graces obtained through prayer to the real, physical world. In his Rule, Benedict instructs the monks in small ceremonies and prayers which they are to observe in their everyday work. For instance, when they set about their work in the kitchen, they preface their work with the words “O God, come to my assistance. O Lord, make haste to help me.” This call for God’s help and grace in their work is the same prayer with which they begin the Divine Office in chapel. So their prayer life and their working life are intertwined.

The whole piece is worth sitting down and reading carefully and in full.  It makes me want to read Fr. Longenecker's  book on Sts. Benedict and Thérèse cited in the endnotes.

Incidentally, anyone of the "what does a Catholic priest know about family life" persuasion should note that Fr. Longenecker is one of those converted former Anglican priests; he is married with four kids...

 

Comments

[Becca Balmes]

Thanks for the link! I love his other booklets for CIS (and his blog is stellar), and I love Benedictine spirituality, and I'm a busy stay-at-home mom... I think it's time for some "study"! ;-)

[debbie]

i was tempted to buy holly's book (i have been an organization junkie in various life periods), but decided not to do so in exchange for re-reading St. Benedict's Rule & prayerfully consider how that applied in our little family.

thank you for the links to fr. longenecker's post.

[MelanieB]

Oh this looks much more like what I am looking for. I'm one of the ones who picked up Holly's book, got all excited, and then got all depressed about how impossible it was to make my life with one then two then three then four children who are all less than two years apart work in the sort of regimented way that her book implies is essential to having a Rule. And subsequently never implemented anything.

I think she's sort of on the right track but her personality type and mine are not so sympatico and her book doesn't dig deep enough so as to get into first principles that apply to everyone. Instead its about what worked for her. Which means to be a good tool it requires the reader to do a lot of the digging for herself.

But it looks like Fr Longenecker is digging down to get to the bedrock principles. I'm eager to read it and see what he has to say.

[RealMom4Life]

Thanks for the link. I've printed it out AND have begun to read it!

Holly's book didn't hit me with a big shazam the way it did a lot of people I know. It took me awhile to figure out why. I am a very organized person by nature. I have my lists and charts, and even those are organized. I didn't see a lot of new information in it for me. But I know it's helped a lot of people.

I've bought The Rule of St. Benedict awhile ago but never quite got into it - what I printed here hits home much more. Thanks

[Honor]

Thank you! This comes at a very good time for me.

[mandamum]

Thanks for this, Bearing! I looked at a friend's copy of MROL and pretty much dismissed it when I ran up against the bedtime barrier :) I even checked out her blog to see what she might have to say to co-sleepers (at the time, I didn't have any older independent-bedtimers) and what she had to say seemed to be essentially, "I have no idea how that works." But I look forward to reading this booklet and applying for myself :)

[Jennifer Fitz]

Thanks for the link - yay.

A great consolation for me recently was noticing in the Gospesl how often Jesus is interrupted. He's planning to do one thing, but people show up needing Him, and He's got to change course and do something else.

I figure if He had people interrupting His day, maybe my vocation is not that messed up after all :-).

[bearing]

Jennifer, I like that insight! Right down to people pulling on his clothes :-)

[mandamum]

I can't remember who, but someone refered to children's "interruptions" as our monastery bells--they interrupt what *we* had planned, but they call us to do what is at the heart of our vocation. Our chance to practice "obedience" as it were. Erin, was that you?

--Amanda

[bearing]

Maybe it was MelanieB.?

[MelanieB]

I've certainly addressed that somewhere on my blog but I know the idea wasn't original to me. I'll poke about and see if I can't find the original link.

[MelanieB]

bearing, mandamum, were you thinking of this piece: http://www.thewinedarksea.com/comments.php?id=510_0_1_0_C

[Rhonda]

You make me smile big time Bearing.