Katie Granju has an excellent piece about respecting grief, after the media buzzed for weeks with nasty comments about a grand multipara who had the temerity to hold a memorial service for a child miscarried in the second trimester and to have photographs taken of the child (which were then leaked to the public via a tweet).
I’ve blogged before about how hypocritical I find it that so many other women who would go to the mat to defend my right NOT to have children are so nasty in their criticisms of another woman’s choice to have lots of children.
... But when it comes to pregnancy loss near or after the time of viability, which is where Michelle Duggar lost her baby, I don’t know anyone who’s been through that particular hell who didn’t see it as losing a baby. Nasty online critics can demean losing a child five months into pregnancy, as the Duggars did, by referring to this family’s dead child with the technical and cold terminology of “miscarried fetus,” but that doesn’t reflect how the mother who birthed that tiny child, held her and laid her to rest feels. To parents who lose a baby in the second or third trimester, they just HAD A CHILD DIE. It’s as simple as that.
If those photos of Michelle Duggar’s dead baby’s foot offend you in some way, why not take that negative emotional energy and turn it into something good. Why not grab your own camera, and go take a photo of your own healthy, beautiful, living child. I’ll bet that as you look through that viewfinder at your own good fortune, manifest in every breath your beloved son or daughter, grandchild, niece or nephew takes, you’ll have a new perspective on this whole thing.
I can understand people (particularly the childless) not understanding the grief that comes from a miscarriage. You would think that people would not, at least, need to be told that it takes a very small, mean kind of person to mock grief of any kind, but apparently this is not the case.
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A note:
The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation exists to provide, free of charge, remembrance photography to parents who have suffered the loss of a child or who expect their child to die soon after birth.
From their site: “For families overcome by grief and pain, the idea of photographing their baby may not immediately occur to them. Offering gentle and beautiful photography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of this organization. The soft, gentle heirloom photographs of these beautiful babies are an important part of the healing process. They allow families to honor and cherish their babies, and share the spirits of their lives. The NILMDTS mission statement is to introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with the gift of professional portraiture. We believe these images serve as an important step in the family’s healing process by honoring their child’s legacy.”
The link goes to the “about” page, but be aware that the rest of the site contains beautiful but sensitive photos.
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