Post-secondary education questions: "Ignore your parents," aka anecdotal evidence that we're not aware how much things have changed.

_{(This post is part of the series on postsecondary education.)}

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Have you ever read the Ask A Manager blog? I really love it, and I am not sure why, because I do not have a job anymore, let alone a manager, and so I do not technically need any of her advice about coworkers and harassment and crazy bosses and the like.

I think one of the reasons I like AAM is because she dispenses no-nonsense advice about getting along with people, advocating for yourself without stepping on others' toes, and dealing with the way things are instead of how you wish they would be. These are good skills in any setting, not just an office.

But the more I read it, the more I think it is helping me keep in touch with the outside world just a little bit, hopefully enough that I can use some of that information to help prepare my kids for it.

Anyway, apropos of the recent post in which I argued that one of our problems is that older people are giving advice that would have been good a generation ago and isn't good now, we have this reader question at AAM, from a reader fresh out of college who has secured a $10/hr school administration job she's excited about:

My mother is not happy with me taking this job whatsoever. She thinks that since I double-majored in four years from college, I should be able to find a job that starts me out at $18/hour. I understand that she just wants the best for me, but honestly I think she is in denial about how bad the job market is at the moment for recent college graduates (especially since both of my majors are in the humanities). She thinks that just because I graduated college, I should be able to find a prestigious job. But I have looked on multiple job sites and sadly $10/hour is on the higher end of the pay scale around where I live when it comes to entry level work. I am lucky that I found a job in general that is full-time, especially since so many of my friends that live around here cannot even find that.

My mother complains that the pay at this new job is too low and that they are trying to screw me over .... but my new employer has been informing me on what has been going on ... every step of the way and has been very good with answering my questions and concerns in a prompt manner. My mother says that I will be “working for a bunch of monkeys” and that I lost too much money since I received the job offer in mid-July and will not start until the third week of August. But isn’t it normal to wait that long to start a new job, especially since it is for a school?

...[S]o many of my friends are getting ripped apart by their parents for the fact that they cannot find a well-paying job out of college. I think it would be beneficial if you can address the fact that the economy is still pretty bad for recent college graduates since many of our parents have not looked for a new job in many years and do not see it first-hand.

The blogger writes, a bit tongue in cheek,

As of right now, all parents are prohibited from giving job search advice to their children. All of them. Yes, the sensible few will be punished for the transgressions of their peers, but that is the price that must be paid to put a stop to this epidemic of awful advice.

Your mom is wrong. Your friends’ parents are wrong....

Ignore her. Ignore anyone who seems not to be aware of the terrible job market that entire country is dealing with.

 

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Not too long ago, in my post about what children owe their parents, I pointed out that the Catechism says that grown children should "willingly seek [their parents'] advice" and "accept their just admonitions." It is probably worth pointing out that the Catechism does not say that grown children should necessarily take their parents' advice, nor that they should accept admonitions that aren't just. One of the ways we show the unconditional part of the respect owed our parents is by asking for their advice, but it isn't inherently disrespectful to reject that advice (charitably, perhaps without comment) if it is truly bad advice.

And while we're at it, remember that in the post about what parents owe their children, I pointed out that parents ought to offer "judicious" advice to their grown offspring. If the only advice you have to give is injudicious, maybe you have a parental duty to keep it to yourself!

Comments

[Kelly]

See, this is the sort of thing that I had in mind when I mentioned trade school a few posts back. My brother never had any inclination to college. He took classes at our trade school and when he graduated from high school he already had basic welder certification and started a factory job at $10/hr with no debt. Factory jobs come with good benefits, and one of those was tuition reimbursement, so four years later he had an associates degree and master welder certification and was making $30/hr with no debt. Four years after that he had saved up enough to have a custom built home on his own land at an age where most people are finishing up a master's degree and just starting to look at career and loan repayment.

I have to ask myself--what is more middle class? Having a college degree and a massive amount of debt or having a "lowly" trade job which commands a good salary and no debt?

Of course, there's still the scholarship option. Academic scholarships are almost not given in the ivy leagues (how do you choose between hundreds of valedictorians?), and are competitive at the best state schools, but if you don't mind going to the 2nd tier state schools, they will often give generous scholarships to attract good students.

[Bearing]

You are getting ahead of me, Kelly. I was going to do a whole post about welding :)

[Kelly]

I'm looking forward to it! But now you have to give me all the credit! ;)

[Amber]

Not to sound complete down on the Boomers, but on the whole I think we would be better off listening to our grandparents (if they are still around) than our parents...

[MelanieB]

Although even our grandparents generation would probably still have an unrealistic view of the current situation with college. For example, our former pastor, who just celebrated his 75th birthday and is therefore in the grandparent age range, paid his way through Boston College with a summer job back in the day. Now the tuition at Boston College is such that there is no way you could do that.