After I wrote the Internet safety lesson I described in a previous post, I learned that my good friend IRL The Road Scholar had put up a lot of good links related to Internet use in the homeschool. This included a set of "10 digital commandments for kids" in the form of a contract for kids to go over with their parents and sign. (The Road Scholar's commandments were, in turn, adapted from a set found at Komando.com.)
I thought the contract was a great idea. And no, I don't think it's overkill. Whenever there are complicated permission structures, where the rules are many and detailed, having "the rules" in a written form is good for everybody, so that we can refer back to it to remember exactly what we previously agreed upon. Also, going over the rules carefully is a way to have a conversation about what the rules should be. Parents do have authority over their kids, but sometimes kids have good ideas that should be incorporated into the agreement.
It's particularly important in areas where kids and teens are learning to exercise freedom responsibly: internet use, staying home alone, learning to drive a car. In situations like that, we want them to stretch a little bit, so that they can gain experience and (it's to be hoped) wisdom; but we do not want them to stretch dangerously beyond their capabilities faster than their maturity can keep up. That is complicated and subjective, and in a bigger family it's hard to keep track of where everybody is at a given time.
Furthermore, I think it's important to include items that protect the child's interests as well. At some point, I think a parent needs to demonstrate respect for a child's privacy by agreeing to limit blogging about them or writing about them on FB. So note below that the contract includes language that could let my child ask me to remove or modify blog posts about him. And I think it's so important that a child be honest about what he or she encounters online, that I think it's reasonable to agree up front that if the child tells us promptly about a potentially dangerous encounter, he will not be punished (though privileges might be reduced; changes in privileges should not be construed as punishments).
So I took the contract and adapted it for my own family, in which there is an almost-11-year-old boy who is just now getting expanded access to the Internet. I thought I'd post the text of my adapted contract here. Feel free to use it or adapt it for your own family.
Comments are welcome. We haven't gone over the contract with him yet, so please tell me if you have any feedback or suggestions! I can still make changes.
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Internet and Computer Contract for Kids Under 18
When I use computers, mobile devices, phones, and the Internet, I promise to follow these rules to keep my family, my friends and myself safe. I will discuss these rules with my parents and initial each section as we discuss them.
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1. My parents will decide when I am allowed to use the computer, cell phone, Wii or other game system, and the Internet.
- I will only visit sites they say I can.
- I will only do things we agree are appropriate.
- I will log out when they ask me to log out.
- I will not allow my siblings to log in on my account or use my “time” without permission.
- I will respect the rules that my friends' parents set for them. I will not help them break their parents' rules.
- If I use the Internet while I am away from my parents or at a friend's house, I will let my parents know that I did. I will tell them about any new games I played.
- If I or one of my friends brings a new game or video into the house, I will show it to my parents.
- I will tell my parents if I accidentally use a device, play a game, or visit a site I think they might not want me to use. I know that my parents will not punish me for accidentally doing this as long as I tell them right away.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
2. I will never tell anyone secure information without getting my parent’s permission first.
- I will not say when I am alone or when the house is empty or tell my family's schedule.
- I will not tell my family's last name, address, workplaces, passwords, or phone numbers.
- I will keep this information about my friends as private as I keep my own information.
- I will not use the Internet to show, spread, or tell anything private.
- If I am not sure whether something should be kept private, I will ask my parents.
- If I want help keeping something private, I can ask my parents.
- I know that if I ask my parents to keep private a story or a picture that features me, they will respect my wishes. I can ask my parents to remove information that they have shared about me from social media.
- I know that it is very easy for secrets to spread once they are in electronic form.
- I know that any electronic message on the Internet could be read or seen by anyone, forever.
- If I accidentally reveal information, I will tell my parents the same day so they can act to protect our family. I know my parents will not punish me if I tell them right away.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
3. I will not participate in mean, physically dangerous, or morally wrong activities online.
- If anyone does or says anything that bothers me, I will tell my parents.
- I will show my parents if I see material or play a game that
- is obscene
- depicts real and severe violence or simulates realistic and severe violence
- shows nudity, meaning pictures of people who are naked or who are showing the parts of their bodies usually covered by bathing suits
- is cruel
- encourages people to do things that are wrong or illegal
- frightens or disturbs me
- tries to trick me into revealing personal information or do something wrong
- seems to be a lie
- I know that my parents will not punish me for accidentally seeing such material if I tell my parents right away.
- I will not do, say, send, or show anything obscene, illegal, immoral, frightening, or cruel.
- I know that it is not lying if I use a fake name to protect my identity or if I refuse to tell information to a person who has no right to know it. I know that it is always okay for a kid to refuse to tell any information over the Internet.
- I know that search engines and online information sources such as Wikipedia could lead me to sites that are obscene, cruel, dangerous, frightening, or tricky.
- I know that much of the information on the Internet is untrue or misleading.
- If I want to search for information on the Internet at home, I will let my parents know before I start. I will always search on the computer in the living room where they can observe me and help me.
- If I want to use the computers in the library to search, I will use the computers set aside for kids in my age group (“kids” or “teens.”)
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
4. I will never post or send pictures of myself, my family or friends without my parents' permission.
- If I set up a blog or online profile, I will tell my parents where it is and how they can read it.
- If I join a social network, mailing list, file or sharing site, or group of any kind, I will invite my parents to join.
- I will work with my parents to set privacy and sharing settings that satisfy them.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
5. I will never, ever meet with anyone I've talked with online without first talking to my parents.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
6. If my parents ask for my password, I will give it to them.
- I will never give out any passwords I know to any others, not even friends or siblings.
- If I find out a password that belongs to my parents, I will tell them that I know it.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
7. If I want to download anything, I will ask for permission FIRST.
- I know that some applications, games, music, movies, or programs are unsafe to download.
- I know that I must pay for these things and that the cost is sometimes hidden.
- I know that sometimes “free” content is really stolen.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
8. I will not try to win free things or buy things on a phone or on the Internet.
- If I get a message that I have won something, I will show my parents.
- If I get an email asking me to enter a password or other information, I will tell my parents.
- I will not forward messages that tell me bad stuff will happen to me if I do not forward them.
- I will not click on any advertisements. If I accidentally click on an advertisement, I will close any new windows that appear and go “back” to the last page I was viewing.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
9. I will not change settings, install software, or open my parents' files without permission.
- If I think I might have accidentally done this, I will tell my parents right away so they can fix it.
- I know that my parents will not punish me for accidentally doing this as long as I tell my parents right away.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
10. I understand that my parents allow me to use the Internet, computers, and games on the condition that I do not hide from them what I do.
- My parents may examine the computer, my phone or any other device that they or I own.
- They may see where I have gone on the Internet, what emails and text messages I’ve sent and received, the things I’ve downloaded, or what I do.
- I will not erase my browsing history or record of sent messages without permission.
- I will BCC one of my parents on every email I send until they set different rules for me.
- I promise not to turn off or alter any parental-controls settings or software installed by my parents.
- I will not close a window when my parents come into the room to hide something I’m viewing.
- If I use code words or abbreviations, I will tell my parents what they mean.
- If I think I may have accidentally done something I am not supposed to, I will tell my parents right away.
- If I want to do something that I am not sure my parents would approve of, I will ask them first.
Initial here: Kid _____ Parent _____
For the child:
- I have read the above, and I will follow these rules.
- If I do not follow these rules, I understand that my parents might reduce my privileges or punish me.
- I understand that “reducing my privileges” is not necessarily a punishment. My parents might reduce my privileges for any reason in order to keep our family safe.
- I also understand that even if my parents do not punish me, my actions on the Internet might have consequences from which my parents might not be able to protect me or from which they might choose not to protect me.
_____________________________________
Child's signature Date
For the parents:
- I agree to let my child use electronic devices as long as they follow these rules.
- I agree to answer any of my child's questions that will help him or her use the Internet safely and responsibly.
- I agree to make changes to the rules clearly and in writing, and keep them with this contract, so that my child always knows what the rules are.
- I agree not to punish a child for accidentally breaking a rule, as explained above, as long as he promptly tells a parent about it.
- I agree to discuss my child's ideas for safely increasing privileges as the child learns to use the Internet responsibly.
____________________________________
Parent's signature Date
_____________________________________
Parent's signature Date
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