bearing blog

Fascinating update on grocery store munching.

Remember back when I asked readers whether they thought it was acceptable to eat your groceries in the store before you paid for them?

Check out this comment from Angela C.:

I work as a cashier for the world's #1 retailer, and I see some things that people do that would make you want to douse your hands and shopping baskets in hand sanitizer. Case in point: there is a homeless man who brings a live turkey into the store with him sometimes, and has it sitting in the child's seat of his basket. I live in a major metropolitan area so this is not a normal thing, at all. I see people with their dogs and kittens. Customers who leave the bathroom without washing their hands. I could go on but I won't. Suffice it to say, it might be better for those more inclined to eat at the store to wait till they get home and wash their hands first.

My kids don't ask to eat food in the store because they know I won't let them, but believe me, if they ever ask, I will now say "Are you kidding?  For all we know the last person to touch this food was carrying his pet turkey around with those hands."

Perhaps we could make Angela's story go viral, and then everyone would be AFRAID to eat in the grocery store.  A moral victory!  Without even ruffling any feathers.

Quick poll: Grocery store munching edition.

Eating your groceries in the store while you are still shopping and before you have paid for them: okay, not okay, or "it depends?"

Please discuss.  

Consecration bleg.

Would any of my readers like to comment on the class of devotions that are commonly known as the "Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary" or sometimes just the "Total Consecration to Mary?" I am discerning whether to make such a consecration and would be interested in hearing any experiences or insights about the nature of the devotion. I am not really sure I understand it, and though I get the impression that most folks enter into a deeper understanding of it as they go along, I am trying to take seriously the cautionary language l am seeing in some sources about the need for discernment first.

The most well-known form of the consecration under that name is, of course, the method of St. Louis de Montfort; but I have seen a couple of websites and books claiming that this is just one possible method, and that the same consecration can be enacted under one of several other methods, some of them being other well-known Marian devotions. The examples I have seen mentioned are the Sacred Heart devotion of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque; the Brown Scapular; and the Militia of the Immaculata consecration of St. Maximilian Kolbe.

I will maybe write more about my thoughts on this later -- I have read de Montfort's _True Devotion to Mary_ and some twentieth-century writings on the subject by Rev. William G. Most, and the experience has been thought-provoking to say the least -- but I thought first I would solicit comments from readers. Anyone?

Remember that homeschool-room show and tell....

...that I said I wanted to see, but didn't want to set up?

Well, Dorian Speed of  Scrutinies and Convolare Design  stepped up and got it going for me on Flickr.  And thanks to her prodding, the pot has been sweetened (note to self:  send Dorian money) and there's a prize!

Here's the goods, as posted by the fabulous Ms. Speed and slightly adapted by me for posting here:

Okay, homeschoolers, let’s rally to the cause. Some of us may be vaguely contemplating the beginning of the school year, while others may have kept on going over the summer. Regardless, I’m sure we would all enjoy a bit of creative inspiration when it comes to organizing our school areas. Whether it be a dedicated schoolroom, a bookshelf, or a really cramped minivan, we  would like to see how you’ve set up your space.

It’s a contest! Except not really! Maybe it’s just a drawing!

To sweeten the deal, we are running a not-a-contest drawing. We’re going to fill a Flickr photo pool with your submissions, and randomly choose one photograph on Monday, August 22. The winner will receive a $20 Amazon gift certificate.

The Rules:

The general theme is “Schoolrooms, or how our existing rooms accommodate schooling.”  Examples would include:

•  storage solutions for small spaces
• solutions for multiple children (do they all work together or do they need separate spaces?)
• ways that an area can multi-task, e.g. a table serving both for dining table and schooling table
• if you have a dedicated schoolroom, just photos of how it is laid out
• how you’ve chosen to arrange decor and interior design given that your home is also a school
• any sort of functionality you’ve come up with that works really well and is worth sharing (or works not so well and you want to crowdsource)
• furniture hacks
• underground lairs, if any

Deadline is 11:59 PM Central Standard Time on Sunday, August 21.

It doesn’t have to be a recent photo. 

You may enter as many photos as you’d like, but each photo should be of a different aspect of your homeschooling setup – so, don’t post three photos of the same shelf taken from different angles.

If we can get at least 25 different contributors and at least 100 photos in the pool, I’ll dip into my Secret Prize Fund and add another $10 onto the value of the gift certificate. 

How to Enter:

If you’re already using Flickr, you can click here and add photos. I am moderating all submissions, so they won’t immediately show up as being added to the photo pool. If it’s been more than 24 hours since you added a photo to the pool and you’re still not seeing it, shoot me an email.

If you’re not on Flickr, you can send DORIAN an email: dorianspeed AT gmail.com with photos attached. Please use “homeschool photo” in the subject line.

 

Feel free to post questions here in the comments as well.  

And bother other people about it too.

Because the second half of August is EXACTLY the right time to be entering homeschool room competitions.

(Go on.  Run off to Office Max first.  We'll be waiting.)

 

Caesar with a twist?

So I was making a cheater's Caesar salad, because I am out of anchovies:  I used Thai fish sauce instead, which works fine.  And I also substituted sriracha sauce for the more traditional dash of tabasco, because it was easier to find in the fridge.

And that got me thinking:

I am a sucker for a good Caesar salad.  I make a good one myself, if I may brag a bit.  I think that the Caesar salad is one of the classic blends of flavors and textures, perfectly balanced:  fruity olive oil, bright lemon, snappy garlic, spicy tabasco and mustard and black pepper, the twin fermenty flavors of anchovy and parmesan.  All on the blank but crispy background of Romaine lettuce.  With good bread for croutons, what more would you want?

But putting the sriracha and fish sauce in made me think:

You could substitute lime for the lemon, too.  You could substitute crispy rice noodles for the croutons.  You could maybe put a few shrimp in there instead of the whole anchovies.  You could make a Southeast-Asian inspired Caesar salad!  

The only thing that wouldn't work very well is the Parmesan.  But perhaps for that fetid-fermenty flavor you could use a spoon or two of those fermented black beans that come in a jar?

What do you think?

Okay, let's get that empty cupboard round-up on.

Consider this post a call for submissions for an empty cupboard recipe round up.  

It's an experiment -- we'll see how many posts I can get for it, and maybe tweak the process next time.  (MilWifeMamaofOne has already sent me one link, thus lighting a fire under me.  Thanks, MilWilfeMamaofOne!)

Let's say you have about three days to get the posts in, and I'll try to post the roundup on Friday of this week (before dinnertime).

A recap of the rules:

1. Write a post about what you managed to throw together when you hadn't yet gotten a chance to go grocery shopping.  
2. You have to post the whole meal, not just one recipe.  (This is especially important if no actual recipes were harmed during the preparation of the meal.
3. It's okay if one or more of the components was packaged/prepared/processed, out of season, non-organic, or raspberry Jell-o (TM).  I'm interested in the whole picture of thinking out of the box to create a pleasant dining experience for your family.
4. Send me a link to your post by Friday morning and I'll get it up on Friday before dinnertime.

Shall we give it a try?

Internet contract for kids.

After I wrote the Internet safety lesson I described in a previous post, I learned that my good friend IRL The Road Scholar had put up a lot of good links related to Internet use in the homeschool.  This included a set of "10 digital commandments for kids" in the form of a contract for kids to go over with their parents and sign.  (The Road Scholar's commandments were, in turn, adapted from a set found at Komando.com.)

I thought the contract was a great idea.  And no, I don't think it's overkill.  Whenever there are complicated permission structures, where the rules are many and detailed, having "the rules" in a written form is good for everybody, so that we can refer back to it to remember exactly what we previously agreed upon.   Also, going over the rules carefully is a way to have a conversation about what the rules should be.  Parents do have authority over their kids, but sometimes kids have good ideas that should be incorporated into the agreement. 

It's particularly important in areas where kids and teens are learning to exercise freedom responsibly:  internet use, staying home alone, learning to drive a car. In situations like that, we want them to stretch a little bit, so that they can gain experience and (it's to be hoped) wisdom; but we do not want them to stretch dangerously beyond their capabilities faster than their maturity can keep up.   That is complicated and subjective, and in a bigger family it's hard to keep track of where everybody is at a given time.

Furthermore, I think it's important to include items that protect the child's interests as well.  At some point, I think a parent needs to demonstrate respect for a child's privacy by agreeing to limit blogging about them or writing about them on FB.  So note below that the contract includes language that could let my child ask me to remove or modify blog posts about him.  And I think it's so important that a child be honest about what he or she encounters online, that I think it's reasonable to agree up front that if the child tells us promptly about a potentially dangerous encounter, he will not be punished (though privileges might be reduced; changes in privileges should not be construed as punishments).

So I took the contract and adapted it for my own family, in which there is an almost-11-year-old boy who is just now getting expanded access to the Internet.  I thought I'd post the text of my adapted contract here.  Feel free to use it or adapt it for your own family.

Comments are welcome.  We haven't gone over the contract with him yet, so please tell me if you have any feedback or suggestions!  I can still make changes.

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Internet and Computer Contract for Kids Under 18

 
When I use computers, mobile devices, phones, and the Internet, I promise to follow these rules to keep my family, my friends and myself safe.   I will discuss these rules with my parents and initial each section as we discuss them.

--

1.  My parents will decide when I am allowed to use the computer, cell phone, Wii or other game system, and the Internet.

• I will only visit sites they say I can.
• I will only do things we agree are appropriate.
• I will log out when they ask me to log out.
• I will not allow my siblings to log in on my account or use my “time” without permission.
• I will respect the rules that my friends' parents set for them.  I will not help them break their parents' rules.
• If I use the Internet while I am away from my parents or at a friend's house, I will let my parents know that I did.  I will tell them about any new games I played.  
• If I or one of my friends brings a new game or video into the house, I will show it to my parents.
• I will tell my parents if I accidentally use a device, play a game, or  visit a site I  think they might not want me to use.  I know that my parents will not punish me for accidentally doing this as long as I tell them right away.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

2.   I will never tell anyone secure information without getting my parent’s permission first.

• I will not say when I am alone or when the house is empty or tell my family's schedule.
• I will not tell my family's last name, address, workplaces, passwords, or phone numbers.  
• I will keep this information about my friends as private as I keep my own information.
• I will not use the Internet to show, spread, or tell anything private.
• If I am not sure whether something should be kept private, I will ask my parents.
• If I want help keeping something private, I can ask my parents.
• I know that if I ask my parents to keep private a story or a picture that features me, they will respect my wishes.  I can ask my parents to remove information that they have shared about me from social media.
• I know that it is very easy for secrets to spread once they are in electronic form.
• I know that any electronic message on the Internet could be read or seen by anyone, forever.
• If I accidentally reveal information, I will tell my parents the same day so they can act to protect our family.  I know my parents will not punish me if I tell them right away.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

3.   I will not participate in mean, physically dangerous, or morally wrong activities online.

• If anyone does or says anything that bothers me, I will tell my parents.
• I will show my parents if I see material or play a game that 
  • is obscene 
  • depicts real and severe violence or simulates realistic and severe violence
  • shows nudity, meaning pictures of people who are naked or who are showing the parts of their bodies usually covered by bathing suits
  • is cruel
  • encourages people to do things that are wrong or illegal
  • frightens or disturbs me
  • tries to trick me into revealing personal information or do something wrong
  • seems to be a lie
• I know that my parents will not punish me for accidentally seeing such material if I tell my parents right away.
• I will not do, say, send, or show anything obscene, illegal, immoral, frightening, or cruel.
• I know that it is not lying if I use a fake name to protect my identity or if I refuse to tell information to a person who has no right to know it.  I know that it is always okay for a kid to refuse to tell any information over the Internet.
• I know that search engines and online information sources such as Wikipedia could lead me to sites that are obscene, cruel, dangerous, frightening, or tricky.
• I know that much of the information on the Internet is untrue or misleading.
• If I want to search for information on the Internet at home, I will let my parents know before I start.  I will always search on the computer in the living room where they can observe me and help me.
• If I want to use the computers in the library to search, I will use the computers set aside for kids in my age group (“kids” or “teens.”)

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

4.   I will never post or send pictures of myself, my family or friends without my parents' permission.

• If I set up a blog or online profile, I will tell my parents where it is and how they can read it.
• If I join a social network, mailing list, file or sharing site, or group of any kind, I will invite my parents to join.
• I will work with my parents to set privacy and sharing settings that satisfy them.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

5.   I will never, ever meet with anyone I've talked with online without first talking to my parents.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

6.   If my parents ask for my password, I will give it to them.

• I will never give out any passwords I know to any others, not even friends or siblings.
• If I find out a password that belongs to my parents, I will tell them that I know it.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

7.   If I want to download anything, I will ask for permission FIRST.

• I know that some applications, games, music, movies, or programs are unsafe to download.
• I know that I must pay for these things and that the cost is sometimes hidden.
• I know that sometimes “free” content is really stolen.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

8.  I will not try to win free things or buy things on a phone or on the Internet. 

• If I get a message that I have won something, I will show my parents.
• If I get an email asking me to enter a password or other information, I will tell my parents.
• I will not forward messages that tell me bad stuff will happen to me if I do not forward them.
• I will not click on any advertisements.  If I accidentally click on an advertisement, I will close any new windows that appear and go “back” to the last page I was viewing.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

9.   I will not change settings, install software, or open my parents' files without permission.

•  If I think I might have accidentally done this, I will tell my parents right away so they can fix it.
• I know that my parents will not punish me for accidentally doing this as long as I tell my parents right away.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

10.   I understand that my parents allow me to use the Internet, computers, and games on the condition that I do not hide from them what I do. 

• My parents may examine the computer, my phone or any other device that they or I own.
• They may see where I have gone on the Internet, what emails and text messages I’ve sent and received, the things I’ve downloaded, or what I do. 
• I will not erase my browsing history or record of sent messages without permission.
• I will BCC one of my parents on every email I send until they set different rules for me.
• I promise not to turn off or alter any parental-controls settings or software installed by my parents.
• I will not close a window when my parents come into the room to hide something I’m viewing.
• If I use code words or abbreviations, I will tell my parents what they mean.
• If I think I may have accidentally done something I am not supposed to, I will tell my parents right away.
• If I want to do something that I am not sure my parents would approve of, I will ask them first.

Initial here:   Kid _____     Parent _____

 

For the child:

• I have read the above, and I will follow these rules.     
• If I do not follow these rules, I understand that my parents might reduce my privileges or punish me.
• I understand that “reducing my privileges” is not necessarily a punishment.  My parents might reduce my privileges for any reason in order to keep our family safe.
• I also understand that even if my parents do not punish me, my actions on the Internet might have consequences from which my parents might not be able to protect me or from which they might choose not to protect me.

_____________________________________

Child's signature                                 Date

For the parents:

• I agree to let my child use electronic devices as long as they follow these rules.  
• I agree to answer any of my child's questions that will help him or her use the Internet safely and responsibly.   
• I agree to make changes to the rules clearly and in writing, and keep them with this contract, so that my child always knows what the rules are.
• I agree not to punish a child for accidentally breaking a rule, as explained above, as long as he promptly tells  a parent about it.
• I agree to discuss my child's ideas for safely increasing privileges as the child learns to use the Internet responsibly.

____________________________________

Parent's signature                               Date


_____________________________________

Parent's signature                                Date                 

 

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Pondering a recipe-roundup: empty cupboard meals.

I've been bouncing around the idea of trying to host a recipe roundup, once or twice a month.  (You know the drill -- write a recipe post, send me the link, I'll put it all together into a post.)  But I've been searching for a theme that hasn't been done to death.

Today I think I might have hit upon it.  What do you think about an "empty cupboard" roundup?  I'm not sure how often -- once a month or biweekly -- and it doesn't lend itself to an alliterative name, maybe you all could help me with that -- but here's what I'm thinking:

The idea is to write a post about what you managed to throw together the night before you go grocery shopping.  What can you make from your pantry staples?   It's easy to eat fresh, local, seasonal, interesting, and impressively right after you come back from the farmer's market (or the co-op -- or even the SuperValu).  What can you do at the end of the week, from your leftovers, odds and ends, and emergency rations?  What have you got to choose from?  What did you decide to make and why?

Here's an example from today.  I'm pretty good about meal planning, but I often leave the last couple of days blank because I know I'll have things to use up; on the other hand, sometimes we eat up all the leftovers and I have to get suddenly creative.  I'm about to leave to go grocery shopping right after I finish this post.

Before dinner, the only fresh veg I had in the fridge was a bunch of broccoli (and it was starting to look a little sorry, so raw was out).  No fresh fruit left except some wrinkly apples, an orange, and a lemon.  We had some leftover enchiladas and arroz con pollo, but we were kind of tired of both and needed a break (it'll still be good for lunch tomorrow).  

So I made this:

• Grilled Meatloaf (double onion, since I had no green pepper -- there's always ground beef in my freezer)
• Steamed broccoli with a squeeze of lemon and a drizzle of olive oil
• Plain Fordhook lima beans cooked from frozen -- just a little salt and pepper
• A can of cut beets, drained and briefly marinated in a dressing of orange juice, balsamic vinegar, and fennel seeds
• Homemade bread and butter.
• Oh yeah, and rum and coke for the grownups.  (Hence the need for me to churn out a couple of blog posts before I go shopping)

I think it turned out pretty great, and not bad for a day when I didn't know what I was going to make until about three-thirty.

Anyway, what would you say to having a roundup on a semi-regular basis?  I think it would be a nice way to explore our creativity, celebrate frugality, and get over some of our hangups about appearing as if we only occasionally rely on convenience foods.  Also share some ideas.  And even if your answer is something like, "frozen pizza -- again," well, why not fess up?  If you had an ice-cold beer on the side, you could at least tell us about that.  In fact, I'll make one of the rules be you have to tell the whole meal, not just one interesting recipe.

What say you?  How often?  Which day of the week (or month)?  And furthermore, what should I call it?

Reader bleg: Your chance to practice social engineering on me.

So, piggybacking off various recent posts about my spring wardrobe and dressing myself after weight loss, let me tell you something about me and clothes.

I'm not naturally very good at dressing myself.  

(Fun fact:  I even have trouble operating a buttonhole, because of an old injury to my wrist.  But that's not really what I'm talking about.  I am talking about my fashion sense.)

I watch my four-year-old daughter happily change her outfit six times a day, and I sort of marvel at it.  She loves clothes and dressing up or down (up mostly) to suit the occasion.  When I was a child and young teen, though, I was pretty clueless about clothes.  It wasn't that I only wanted to wear comfortable things, or even that I didn't care how I looked -- in fact I could get very anxious about what people would think if I wore something unusual-for-me to school, or even out to dinner with my family.  And I was, of course, very self-conscious of being heavy, and wouldn't wear anything that I thought exacerbated that problem.

I can remember having some fights with my dad and stepmom because I had arrived at their house without having packed any clothes that were "nice enough" to go to dinner, in their view, and refusing to do things like tuck in my blouse and wear a belt because I thought I looked less fat with my blouse untucked.  I have always been pretty hopelessly unstylish by nature.

A few years ago, however, I figured something out:  It is not necessary to be naturally stylish to avoid looking decidedly unstylish.  It is only necessary to avoid certain pitfalls.  It is, of course, possible to get very creative and interesting with color if you are gifted at putting them together, but if like me you are not so gifted, well, I avoid clashes by setting rules for myself like "one colored thing, everything else neutral"   and "throw it away when it gets holes in it."

Anyway, it's really only recently (you can guess since when) that I've tried to expand my horizons just a little bit slightly.  For example, I have been tentatively doing things like buying pairs of what I hear are called "cute shoes."  Not, you know, "black shoes that will last forever and go with everything so you won't have to worry about whether they look dumb with your outfit," but "cute shoes."   I even (whisper) found a shoe designer label that I reliably like and have now gotten a couple of different pairs from. And I have on occasion bought, say, a dress that looked not merely inoffensive, but, you know, kind of pretty, or at least interesting.  Don't worry, I'm not taking my black tee shirts, Dr. Martens, and olive cargo pants to the thrift store just yet.  I'm just saying:  I've been branching out a little.

This has caused something to happen for which I was unprepared.

Sometimes -- I know, it's weird -- I will greet a neighbor or a friend from church, and she will say:  "Wow, those are cute shoes!  Where'd you get them?"

 And get this:  I do not know how to answer this question.   Readers.  Help me out here.

First of all, what does "where did you get these shoes" mean?  Duh, I bought them from the internet.  Does it really matter whether I got them from Amazon or Overstock.com or Zappos or eBay?  I googled them, and there they were.  It is this question that makes me suspicious of the entire encounter -- I don't ask my friend where she got her sturdy yet practical new coffee grinder, nor my husband where he got his ice axe.  Obviously these things were bought from an establishment which sells coffee grinders, ice axes, or ballet flats (as the case may be).  Does it matter where?  It can't matter where.  This question must mean more than it appears to mean on the surface.

Second of all:  what is the proper response to this question?  Is this just a polite bit of small talk to which I am supposed to make up an inoffensive answer?  Does the woman who is asking me about my shoes want to know, for example, the information I would want to know if I was going to buy the shoes for myself, namely, the label?  Should I say, for instance, "Oh, they're from Clarks" (assuming that was what they were) because, well, then you could go to Google and search for "clarks flats mary jane pewter" and find my shoe?   Do I say, "Thank you, I really like them too?"  Is this some kind of a test?

And what if they happened to be an actual designer label?  What if by some thrift-store/eBay/outlet sale miracle I was wearing a pair of Manolos  or Kate Spades?  Do you say so?  Is that pretentious or is that something that a cute-shoe-admirer wants to know?  Am I supposed to use this question as a means of indicating the kind of shoe-shopper I am, whether I am a thrift-store-hound or a Craigslist maven or Imelda Marcos?

Same thing with dresses -- if someone says about my one -- one -- designer dress*, "Cute dress, where'd you get it?" which of these true answers is the one that the woman is looking for?  (A) "At the Mall of America," (B) "Nordstroms," (C) "It's BCBG Max Azria," (D) "Thanks, I picked this up on sale a couple of years ago?" 

I have enough trouble dealing with small talk, which famously is not intended to transmit meaning at the level of the actual words spoken, but instead is a social ritual through which people defuse potential hostilities before entering into more personal communications.   I have this vague feeling that women talking to other women about their clothing is partly small talk and partly shot through with hidden implications and messages that I am hopelessly unable to decode, let alone respond with the correct countersign.

Please help me navigate this unknown territory.

----------------------------

*the one I'm wearing in two photos in this post

The third post in what seems to be a series about "acceptance."

In the first post, I explained why it's nonsense to ask whether one should or shouldn't "accept one's body."  (And I offered examples of some better questions to ask in the second post.)

To "accept" a thing is, essentially, to receive it willingly.  One's body is not a thing that can be accepted or rejected, because one has always had it; one cannot receive it.

There are, however, things that it is possible to accept.  For instance,  I wrote, it's possible to "accept" a discomfort (meaning to endure it willingly), or to "accept" a proposition (meaning to believe and assent to it willingly). 

So here are some propositions I urge my readers to accept, instead of wondering whether they should "accept" their own selves:

    (1) Permanent personal change would require you to accept discomfort.

    (2)  Today, there is a limit to how much discomfort you can accept and for how long.

    (3)  With practice, you can increase that limit.

    (4)   That is:  Accepting discomfort really can change you.   For the better.  Immediately.

Readers:  Do you accept these propositions?